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Ask Therapist Leslie Your Own Question

Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 247
Experience:  Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
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How to get your girlfriend to believe you after you brake

Customer Question

How to get your girlfriend to believe you after you brake her trust for cheating and lying??
Submitted: 2 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 2 months ago.

Good evening and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area of the United States.

Ohhhh dear, Lionel, I am so sorry about this situation. I imagine your girlfriend is horribly sad and hurt and you pose a great question....

So in order for your girlfriend to regain trust in you, the following is necessary:

1. Absolute transparency: By this I mean honesty in all things. Please do not allow her to have to guess where you are, who you are with and so on. Be upfront about where you are, what you are doing and who you are with as a way to ease her anxiety.

2. Work on what's yours: Please do some counseling to determine why you were dishonest. Sadly, we all become stuck in unhealthy patterns when we don't understand why we do what we do. By doing this, you are also showing your girlfriend that you are working to better yourself for both of you.

3. Discontinue all contact with the woman you cheated with....no comment necessary : )

4. Be open with your feelings: Please let your girlfriend know how you feel about her, how invested you are in the relationship the two of you share and your hopes for the two of you moving forward.

5. Take full ownership: Make sure you fully own the mistakes of the past and sincerely ***** ***** often.

6: Time and Consistency: These two will be your best friends when it comes to your girlfriend regaining trust once again.

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Thanks so much. I have a few more questions. I've done all of these but it seems like she doesn't want to believe me. I understand why but she says I want to be with you but your still doing the things that made me move out and take a brake. When this first happen she said we can still talk and we are not braking up I just need my space so that we can better ourself and see if you are going to change. But a few days ago she told me not to call her honey and that I'm still cheating and lying. That she knows for a fact. But honestly she does not know I told her you can look at my phone anytime I've deleted all my social media I took my passwords off my phone and I am honestly not talking to nobody or lying about talking to anybody. But everyday she says I'm lying I'm cheating and I keep doing the things she moved out for. I see her almost daily but I let her make the choice. I wasn't working at the time for a while due to other reasons but when she told me I need to get my stuff together and either work and choose her or do not work and be fo I wasn't working at the time for a while due to other reasons but when she told me I need to get my stuff together and either work and choose her or do not work and be for single. So when she told me that I went out and I got a job right away and I know God help me do that because I asked him to help me so I can show her I'm serious. I honestly do not want anybody else or my answer to her about everything has not changed at all. I've never felt this way before and never have I been so serious about showing her that I truely love her and I want to better myself for her. I've research almost daily and I work everyday so I have no time for games anymore but she still highly believes that I'm playing games and she tell me I will never have a cA chance again with her but she still continues to want to see and know what I'm doing and what I tell her I'm doing she doesn't believe me A chance again with her but she still continues to want to see and know what I'm doing and what I tell her I'm doing she doesn't believe me. I told her I give her all my phone information my text messages and my phone call so she can see because I want to show her proof that im serious. Please help me!!!
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 2 months ago.

Ohhhh sweet soul, this is tough. I imagine she is still furious about everything that has happened and is still rattled to the core. It sounds like you love her greatly, so please, Lionel, keep doing what you are doing--consistently showing her you are making changes, invested in her and the relationship and creating a better future moving forward.

It isn't fair that she continues to "punish" you of sorts and if this doesn't stop in time, I would gently request she stop as it is unhelpful.

Please stay focused and hopefully time will show her that you truly are invested. I'm cheering you on, Lionel!

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Can I send you some messages about what she's saying maybe you can see what I mean a lil better
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 2 months ago.

Absolutely and of course.

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Ok I'm sorry about not writing back I was working. But I will send you now
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 2 months ago.

Sounds perfect. : )

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