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Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 316
Experience:  Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
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Story, short: My boyfriend has said that he does not love me

Customer Question

Long story, short: My boyfriend has said that he does not love me anymore.
Long Story:
2016 has been a shit year for me. I lost my job, my first consulting client decided he did want to pay which put me out of pocket of thousands of dollar, I filed a lawsuit against him and he counter sued me for $50,000, I was diagnosed with anxiety which now has turned into depression and then I was diagnosed with diabetes. After all this madness, I decided that I was going to move home (I lived in Alberta, Canada and returned to BC, Canada). I left my boyfriend of 2.5 years there while I tried to sort myself out.
He took me leaving as choosing my family & friends over him which is untrue however due to the lack of communication, that never came across. In August I suggested a break and to see other people which was a horrible idea. This was the first real step that started the end of our relationship. A few weeks ago, I told him that we should break up because I bizarley thought I was protecting him, but still thought we would get back together after a while. Now he doesn't love me.
I can't understand how he could go from being madly in love with me on August 8th to fallen out of love with me on September 9th.
After three months of a lot of mistakes on my end, he finally admitted that he no longer loves me. What I need to know is that do I have a chance to get him back?
Submitted: 7 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 7 months ago.

Good evening and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area of the United States.

Ohhhhh dear, it sounds like you have been through so much the last year....truly a nightmare. It sounds like one loss after another and obviously the loss of this relationship is compounding things further.

I imagine being in a relationship during all of this was beyond difficult and I didn't get the sense he offered a lot of support during this difficult time for you? Am I correct in assuming this? I also feel it's horribly unfair to accuse you of not being committed to the relationship when you had to return hone. I imagine this decision was a financial one--simply not a lack of commitment to the relationship on your part.

I understand you want to make things right with this man and return to a relationship but sadly it seems that there are levels of issues here that I fear may be very difficult to sort through. We simply cannot make a person love and commit to us and I fear yet another loss is part of what is making you hold on so tightly.

I imagine you could write him a letter....explaining the sadness you have, apologizing for where you went wrong and see if he would be willing to engage in conversation again. I believe you need to take this approach in very small steps for fear of chasing him away. After sending the letter, it puts things in his court. I would wait to see if he reaches out. If not, I think you sadly need to walk away. I know this is not what you want to hear, sweet soul, but we all deserve to be loved and loved deeply. True love does not disappear in a matter of weeks.

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

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