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Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 194
Experience:  Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
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I am dating a guy we met through a dating service he told me

Customer Question

Hi - I am dating a guy
we met through a dating service
he told me that he didn't want them to give him any more dates after we met.
he is on an online site - and notice the has been active now and again.
what would you do? say something. do nothing , we haven't had the "exclusive" talk/
Submitted: 2 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 2 months ago.

Good evening, Maggie, and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area.

Oh dear, online dating can be rough, huh? So I want to ensure I fully understand your situation....the two of you went out and he asked that no further names be given to him as he was into you. Then, you notice he is on a completely different online site? Are you currently dating him? If so, how many dates have you been on? Are you sleeping with him? Do you like this guy and want a relationship with him?

Forgive all the questions. I want to make sure I give you a very thorough response and understand everything going on

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie.

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Hi - yes. We have been seeing each other for about a month. Yes we have slept together
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Oh - well I am deciding if he is the one ... We are going on a few upcoming trips
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I have not - in full disclosure taken my stuff down on a different site.
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Hi are u going to be able to respond ?
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 2 months ago.

Good morning and thank you so much for your response. Thank you for your patience.

I understand it is very early on and you are still determining if he is the right guy for you in the long-term. I imagine neither one of you wants to be the first to take down their profile or have THE conversation.

It sounds like each of you are invested in doing things together in the future and if you are spending a regular amount of time together, he probably isn't following up with any other women. I imagine you do something similar? Perhaps reading your messages from your profile but not setting up any formal dates with other guys?

I'm thinking a conversation needs to be had and there are some casual ways of starting it without sounding needy. Maybe say something like this...

"I love the time we spend together and always look forward to it. I do have a profile up on another site and would like to take it down as my interest is entirely with you. I don't want to put any pressure on you to do the same but wanted to let you know where I am at."

I imagine at this point he'll agree and say something similar. I don't think you can ask he take down his as we all commit in different timing but by letting him know you are invested, he will most probably do similarly as it sounds the two of you have a wonderful connection.

Ohhhh Maggie, I truly wish you the best with your new relationship! Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 2 months ago.
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