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belove0820, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 43
Experience:  I have over 10 years of experience working with children, adolescents, and parents.
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I am in a serious relationship. I have been dating my BF

Customer Question

I am in a serious relationship. I have been dating my BF for the last 8 months and just recently I met his BF who is a female. Seven years ago the had a kiss episode. It never developed to anything else, because the chemistry wasn't there, as per my BF input. He is used to sleeping there when ever he hangs out with her, and this past Memorial Weekend, he spend 3 night there, while I was away with my daughter. I thought it was going to be only one night, but then it turned out to be the entire weekend. We had a big fight about it, and finally agree that he will not sleep there anymore, especially when I am only about less than 10 minutes from her house. If he needs to sleep on her couch, I told him he can sleep on mine. There is no need for any sleep overs. I told him they have to be some kind of rules on our relationship. I have male friends too, but I wouldn't sleep over their house out of respect, and I expect the same. Today he tells me hie is going to a concern on Sunday night, and I got a bit annoyed. He was annoyed too because I said "doesn't she have other friends?" I meant it, because she doesn't have a BF and always wants to hang out with my BF. I told my BF I wasn't jealous just annoyed at the fact that he might be contemplating sleeping over, when we had an agreement since last Memorial Weekend. I told him I don't care, if he goes to the concern, but absolutely no sleep overs. Again I am only less than 10 minutes away. He was a bit annoyed at me. I told him to take a poll with others to see, if my view is wrong. Am I wrong for setting boundaries and rules?
Submitted: 2 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  belove0820 replied 2 months ago.

Hello! I'm happy to talk with you about this.

That sounds like such a difficult position for you to be in. I feel like most people in your situation would have concerns, and you are not wrong at all for setting some boundaries in your relationship. It is probably going to be important for the two of you to continue having an open discussion about this.

Expert:  belove0820 replied 2 months ago.

Do you have other concerns about your relationship with him?

Expert:  belove0820 replied 2 months ago.

Let me know if you have other concerns you would like to discuss.

Expert:  belove0820 replied 2 months ago.

It looks like you might have stepped away from your computer. Once you return, I'm happy to help with any other thoughts or concerns related to this.


Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I am kind of distant from him now, I really do not like the fact that they or him wants to just hang out with her, I feel if she really was a good friend, she should of invite me too. I know my friends would off. He always gets included when I am hanging with my friends. I decided not to keep all my eggs in one basket. I was married for a long time and I don't need any selfishness from anyone. We barely see each other due to our work schedules and my daughter, and I feel that he should want to hang out with me on his free time, especially when we do not have much time together. We talk everyday a few times a day, but only see each other at best once a week, sometimes twice, if I don't have my daughter and he is off on the weekend. I do care about him, but my wall has been raised. Don't want the emotional hurt.
Expert:  belove0820 replied 2 months ago.
It sounds like you are doing the right thing to take care of yourself and your daughter. Are you interested in trying to work things out or have the two of you become too distant?
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I would like to work things out, but I don't want the emotional hurt or settling it. He thinks there is nothing wrong with it. He has been a bachelor his entire life, so I guess it is difficult for him to adjust to a committed relationship and some of the rules/boundaries.
Expert:  belove0820 replied 2 months ago.
It sounds like you have really been hurt in the past. But it also sounds like this might not be the best relationship for you at this time. I believe that when you feel like you are in the right relationship you will be ready to open your heart again.
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
My heart is open to him, and I do care and love him, but I am not going to settle for this kind of behavior from him, or any new guy I date. I have no issues with him hanging with this girl, is the sleeping over that I have an issue with. It is not necessary. If he cares (I know he does) he will comply, if not I will have to do my own thing.
Expert:  belove0820 replied 2 months ago.
Sounds like you really do care about him but it also sounds like a very smart decision. I hope this was helpful. Let me know if I can do anything else to help. Please be sure to leave me a rating, I want to be sure you got everything you needed.
Expert:  belove0820 replied 2 months ago.

Is there anything else I can help you with?

Expert:  belove0820 replied 2 months ago.

I hope I’ve provided the information you were seeking. If you are happy with my service, please provide a rating. If not, please let me know so l can continue to help you. Thank you.

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