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Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 253
Experience:  Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
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I've been with my boyfriend two years and I love m, but

Customer Question

Hi there. I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years and I love him, but lately I'm not sure if I see him in my future. I am 20, and he is 23, and I have more motivation to do things than he does. He works full time at a minimum wage job, and so do I but I'm going to school in September to better myself. He is good to me, loves me and I don't have any issues there, but he doesn't have any motivation to do the things I want to do. When I met him, he didn't have his license and it took me a year to get him to take the test . When I think about my future 5 years from now, I see myself with a better job, kids (possibly) and a home of my own. Although he wants the same things, he doesn't know if/when those things would happen and doesn't show any interest to make those things happen. We currently live at his mom's and I'm just not happy here. I see myself looking at other people and thinking to myself "Is the guy I'm with now going to be with me in the future?" I just feel like I'm wasting my time sometimes , and feel like maybe we should break up, but I feel like I'd be making a mistake. What would you do if the person you're with doesn't see the future like you do?
Submitted: 5 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 5 months ago.

Good evening and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area of the United States.

My heart aches for you as you are in a very difficult situation.

First of all, congratulations on your decision of going to school in September. I love your level of motivation and wanting to create a wonderful life for yourself. I imagine you are incredibly frustrated by your boyfriend's motivation not being equal with yours. You don't want to nag him to do the things you believe he should naturally want for himself but sadly we all have different levels of motivation and drive.

I am concerned that you have different future goals for yourself than he. This is a major red flag. Perhaps he was raised to be content with the way things have always been. It does seem like you want something much more. Please do not sell yourself short by settling for less. You will become resentful to him if you do.

Do you have a place to go if you decide to leave his mom's house while thinking about what you might want for the future? Can you live at school in September? I'm wondering if this might give you a bit of space to decide what your next steps should be?

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie