Without any doubt, here are the steps you must take.
Find a PhD clinical psychologist trained in family therapy.
Your husband does not have to go with you at first if he will not. This is for you to get yourself clear on what you need to do.
He can be invited to the sessions.
It is very clear that, although you both will need to change to be in this marriage, that he has a long way to go, perhaps you both do.
A healthy relationship is open communication, with both people healthy.
This is not the case as you describe it.
You need therapy also because the anxiety can affect the child.