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I am sorry to hear about this situation. Did you mean to ask this question in the LEGAL category, or did you mean to ask this in the RELATIONSHIP or GENERAL category?
This is not an answer, but an information request. I need this information to answer your question. Please reply, so I can answer your question. Thank you in advance.
Thank you for your question. It sounds like there is a bit of hurt feelings about "boundaries" and that possibly your sister is insecure about the impression that she is making or leaving with her daughter-in-law. She may even feel that she "should have" thought of the ideas that you came up with. She may actually be intimidated by the actions because she is self-conscious and feels that it reflects on her.
I think that talking to her about what your intentions were is a good start. You can use the "oreo" method, where you kind of place the concern or behavior you want changed, inside affirmations and also give her the opportunity to create solutions. This could empower her and make her feel validated and also less defensive.
Start with something like, "I wanted to speak to you from the heart about what most recently happened between us. I understand your perspective about feeling that I may have overstepped. My intention was only to welcome her in the family, and definitely not to minimize the role you have with her. I hope that you acknowledge that I came from the emotion of "love" not "hurt" or animosity. I am open to hearing your perspective and I hope that we can, together, be solution focused about working through the confusion. I don't want to not welcome this young woman into our family with an intimate get together, simply because of our misunderstanding. Please let me know how we can make this experience a positive one for all of us."
I would love to hear your feedback! Thank you so much, Jules.