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Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 304
Experience:  Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
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Getting over being cheated on, My boyfriend went to Thailand

Customer Question

Getting over being cheated on
JA: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.
Customer: My boyfriend went to Thailand for a month, spoke to me at least once every day but I have now found out he spent the whole month with a Thai girl who worked at the hotel he stayed in. He has admitted it
JA: Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?
Customer: He is still lying to me about the details.. He sent photos of him naked in bed with her to one of his friends
JA: OK. Got it. I'm sending you to a secure page on JustAnswer so you can place the $5 fully-refundable deposit now. While you're filling out that form, I'll tell the Psychologist about your situation and then connect you two.
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 8 months ago.

Good evening and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area of the United States.

I am so sorry you experienced this and my heart absolutely aches for you. I want to answer your question as thoroughly as possibly but first have a few questions to better understand your situation....

How long were you and your boyfriend together prior to his trip?

How old are each of you?

I imagine the two of you were in a committed, monogamous relationship, correct?

Are you looking for my perspective on what your next steps should be? Or, have you already decided what you want to do and need assistance doing it?

Again, my apologies for all of your questions. I want to ensure I fully understand your situation.

Thank you so much.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Hi Leslie
In response to your questions, we have been in a committed monogamous relationship for 14 months prior to him going away. I am 46 he is 55.
We have made future plans together and I wear an engagement ring from him. We both are deeply involved in each other's families and spend a lot of time with them. I would say from my perspective,this was going to be the man I spent the rest of my life with. We have holidayed together four times in the last 14months.
He has been to Thailand 3 times before for a month at a time before he met myself. During those times he spent it with one particular Thai "bar" girl. He is no longer in contact with her.
From the time I have met him he always told me that he wanted to go again. I did think at any time if and when he did go he would be going there for sex. If I had I would not have been happy about him going.
He runs his own business and quite well off financially. He has had girlfriends all over the world, and many girlfriends here in the UK. Most of which have been very attractive and younger than him. I believe that apart from this trip he has been physically faithful to me. He has however on three occasions sent texts to three different people asking for sec
He went with his brother to Thailand on the 24th
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Sorry I sent to early.... I will continue...
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
The three texts he sent to these three different people asking for sex he told me we're just having a laugh. I know by the answers he received this did not take place.
He went with his brother to Thailand on the 24th May 2016- 18th June 2016. The reason he told me were to relax and chill for a month and he was only going because he promised his brother and had put it off for the last year due to us developing our relationship. I obviously didn't want him to go for such a long time but felt I could trust him and he would remain faithful to me.
On his return home he was on his iPad and I noticed that he had FaceTime with a Thai girl. When I asked him about he said he was going to meet her for a coffee but she didn't turn up. This call was made to her on the 14th June. She was a waitress at the hotel he was staying in. I didn't believe him and I had the feeling that there was more to it than that. He wouldn't show me his photos.
I did the wrong thing and looked at his iPad whilst he was out and discovered he had sent a photo of himself with the same Thai girl, both naked in bed in his hotel room. He sent it to a female friend of his who is married to one of his closest friends.. The caption said "photo for Albert" dated 28th May..
Then his friend contacted him on 4th June and asked how it was going. My bf response to this "like a kid in a sweet shop"
His friend replied have you heard from Amanda - he said yes every bloody day!!! I thought he was missing me as we were in contact every day. He told me he wished he had never have gone,he would never do it again and even told me he loved me whilst he was over there! Bought me presents etc.
His friend suggested he sent me some photos of himself so I would remember what he looked like, but said just make sure they are of yourself and no one else..
There was one other photo of him and the Thai girl that was taken the day he left and two photos he has taken of her.
The last week has been very difficult and I don't know which way to move forward with this.
He has told me he had sex with her the one time and he regretted it immediately, The evidence is stacked against him.. He says the voice call to her was to meet for a coffee and he couldn't find her so didn't. The photo of them together was taken whilst he was waiting for a taxi from his hotel and she just sat with them. My heart wants to forgive him but my head is saying don't be so stupid! I feel humiliated by his friends who we both socialise with and were even planning a holiday together with them later this year.
He has sworn his undying love for me, told me he wants to marry me and we will get anew house together. He hasn't left my side since last Monday and promised he will change and do anything for me. He will pay for our next two holidays together and will make it up to me for hurting me so badly! He has deleted all photos and contacts from his past from his phone and iPad. He hasn't got a high sex drive so I think it's all about his ego... But I don't know wetter our relationship can get over this. Am I being a fool and should I just leave him! Or should I give it a chance. I do love him
Sorry for the long reply just wanted you to know the full story
Warm regards ***** ***** too
Amanda
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
There is an error in my message above! I did not think at anytime he would be going back to Thailand this time for sex
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 8 months ago.

Good morning, Amanda.

Wow....I am so incredibly sorry this happened. The interesting part about being with someone who is unfaithful is that it will forever change the way you approach relationships. You will always be fearful initially, always struggling to trust. For him, there are no long term affects. You truly are the victim in this situation.

I realize he says he will never return and maybe that is the case but he is missing the point entirely. Yes, Thailand has many women who are looking to be with wealthy, successful UK men but there are also women like this all over the world. He simply turns on his charm and can be with whoever he chooses.

I can understand why you feel humiliated and heartbroken. I honestly don't know how you are functioning.

I can't tell you what you should do---only you know this but I do suggest following your instinct as it never lies...it's your truth. Should you decide to stay with him, I would highly recommend he seek psychotherapy to work through his ego/narcissism. Perhaps down the line, the two of you can attend couples work to start the healing process. This is a long journey, sweet friend, so please choose carefully.

We also deserve to be loved--and loved deeply. A person who truly knows and understand love would not treat another individual like this--especially a woman he desires marriage with. A solid relationship is based upon trust.

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 8 months ago.

Good morning, Amanda.

I hope you are well. Just wanted to check in as I have not received a rating from you as of yet To me this means you may have another question.Please let me know – I am simply touching base. Thanks!

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

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