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Martin, Engineer
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4774
Experience:  i'm 41 and i never stopped studying and experimenting
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My friend is very flaky. She is decided to go to an event

Customer Question

my friend is very flaky. She is decided to go to an event and then cancel. When I do not invite to events, she asks if she can go. I never cancel on her and she will do things for awhile but then get tired of it or something and give an excuse. we were going to a class like 6 weeks in a row. She was always asking me to go. I asked her and she said I have to give my car a break from driving but then she told me she will drive 5 hours for a camping trip. I felt hurt. I was upset after that and not too happy. She got mad at me for being upset. Now she will not talk and said she doesn't have time for friends cause she is busy but she wanted to be my friend in the first place. I don't know what to do
Submitted: 3 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Martin replied 3 months ago.

Hi. I think we all have a friend like that. They seem to never carry project to the end and seem to live in the moment with some kind of attention deficit disorder. With that kind of friend, you must assume they are not reliable and accept them like that. If they want to come, tell you will wait for them up to a certain hour and if they are not there, you will carry on without them. That friend will not change, it is in their nature to be like that. She will probably come back to you after a certain cycle.

Sometime the problem is not a deficit disorder but a problem of always putting new things in a routine list and never removing anything back, the result is a major lack of time for everything on the list. In that particular case, someone can change once they realize the problem.

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
but now she is mad cause I was upset cause she said her car needed a rest but then can drive five hours to go to an event I had tickets too, I feel that she only does things that benefit her, she does not care about hanging out with me
Expert:  Martin replied 3 months ago.

Well, a car does not rest :). Oil and fluid can cool off but that does not take much time. She's driven by dopamine and that seem to be what drive most of her action, not logic. She won't be mad for long. You need to talk to her about things just as you are ready to do them, not in advance because by the time it is ready to happen, she will have drifted to other newer interests. She will always have an interest in you if you can surprise her. You will never be able to rely on her for anythings, you need other friend for that. But, she may be interesting to have around to allow some adventure and unplanned thing in your life (that is how i see that type of friends).

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