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JohnMichaels,MS,LPC, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 446
Experience:  25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
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Me and my wife have been together years, married . I was

Customer Question

Me and my wife have been together for 14 years, married for 8. I was suffering from depression for most of the time and made our lives a complete living hell. Back in February she admitted to me she developed feelings for a friend/co-worker, and some point they had "made out" because they were both going through a rough patch in their relationships, now apparently he doesn't notice her as much. a I came out of my long depression in April, and found out about the situation through a text conversation she had with a friend. She told me it was because "I had driven her off, and that any feelings for him have died down". I've been working on myself and the marriage these past few months, and even she says things have been a lot better.When I ask her about the marriage, shes says its getting better but she doesn't know what she wants, or if marriage is for her. It felt like something was still wrong, but she wouldn't open up. I recently found on her tablet history that she's been searching for answers to "Does him making out with me mean more than just friendship?" and "how to dress to impress your co-worker". I'm afraid to confront her with this because it feels like it would drive her away, she won't talk about any of her feelings except to her friends, even offers of going to therapy get turned down. What should I do?
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
It should be noted there will be an event coming up soon on Wednesday where me and my wife will be attending, along with the co-worker. Should I talk to him privately 1 on 1, non-confrontational, and discuss things?
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 10 months ago.
I am so sorry you're going through this. It is difficult when one you trust so much betrays you like this.My thoughts are this is not between you and him. This is between you and your wife.mI know that you feel it is a risk, but I believe that you must confront her in order to resolve what has transpired.In reality, it will not drive her fatther away, but instead bring to light how far she's already gone.It is very noble of you to take all the blame, but somewhere along the way she needs to own up to her part. She may not be willing to, but unless she does, she will never feel released from the guilty nor will you be able to completely forgive or at least trust her.I know this was not the answer you were looking for, but I do believe it is the answer you deserve. I really do want to help you. Let me know if you have any further questions.

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