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Anthony Bray, MD
Anthony Bray, MD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 10339
Experience:  14 years as clinician in the field of Family Practice
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I am super confused about a situation with a girl I met a month

Customer Question

I am super confused about a situation with a girl I met a month and half back. The problem is so hard to describe but I will still try.
We met on match.com and started texting and talking. She was the one who first approached me on the website. In return I said you look super beautiful and we started talking. We had a lot in common, she always used to reply to my text in like few secs and always used to talk more. This was a little hard for me to believe because no girl ever talked to me like that before. It was so unreal that I thought someone is actually messing with me. Later she started talking stuff like we are soul mates (based on our similarities) and how we would get married etc, even before meeting. Since I never met a girl like that I just kept replying back positively though I did feel something is wrong with her. She drove all the way from Bakersfield to meet me in San Jose, over the weekend. I booked the hotel for her, you can guess why :), I also got some snacks for her because it was a four hour drive. She was super impressed for what I did. She said no guy has ever done that for here. When I first saw her she did look beautiful, unlike how I was thinking that there might be something wrong with her. She got me gifts and cards( $100+). We kissed and had sex. She asked me how many girls I have slept with, I said 3, But actually she was my second girl and second time too.
After our first meet I was still not sure about her, about how she looked and also we did not have great sex. She she has very tiny breast (AA maybe) I was kinda turned off too. So I thought I wanted to meet her one more time. We met in fresno, she looked great that day and smelled amazing. We had great sex. After sex she told me that she loves me and she loved me the first time we met. Though I was very happy but still not sure, so even I said I love you too. During sex and also in general she does whatever I tell her too. She keeps asking me what I want. Every time we get apart she cries because she misses me.
Every few hours she used to text me that how much she loves me and how much she misses me. She said that she is ready to move to San Jose but that has to be permanent. She also aid if you ask me to marry you I will say yes.
When we used to talk on the phone she told me a lot about her past, like how she has been hurt my number of guys, how they left her because they did not find her attractive.
I was not worried about all this because I was having a nice time too, I find her attractive, good sex. She was really very understanding and caring. She would do anything for me. She used to always think about me and buy gifts for me every time we met. She also used to give me cards with very sentimental messages.
Until now I still had some doubts about her look. When we met for 3rd time I was turned off because of the way she looked. She drove after after work thats why. We went out for dinner and I was still thinking in my head about how she looked.
After this I really started freaking out because I was not sure now and she still kept saying stuff like she loves me like crazy. Same time I told my mom that I am seeing a white girl. I am indian, and my mom was really angry about this and against this.
So I told her I am not sure about our feature. I said its because my mom is against us but deep down it was also because I was not sure about here. After this I really started freaking out about future stuff like how we will all live together, finances and I broke up with her. I said it moved very fast. All this happened over 5-6 weeks. She said she wont date any guy after this.
I am still thinking about her mostly because of how caring and understanding she was and also because of how she has been hurt in the past.
Now My question is I am not sure what I should do next? Should I get back because she is amazing and I should give it a try and take it slow. But what if I am still not sure and I have a fear I might break with her again.
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
I thought I should add this, this is my 1st relationship and I am 30.
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
I really want this to work. Also when I look at her facebook pictures she looks pretty but IRL she looks very skinny. Maybe I am very wrong in thinking this but if she would gain few more pounds she would look prettier.
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Also when I told her that my mom (Indian) is against this because of cultural and religious differences, she send gifts for my mom, flowers and cards on Mothers day. She also said she is ready to learn Hindi and Ind***** *****ing etc :(
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
this is her FB profile https://www.facebook.com/jennifer.myers.7923 and this is mine https://www.facebook.com/pawan.nimje
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Posted by JustAnswer at customer's request) Hello. I would like to request the following Expert Service(s) from you: Live Phone Call. Let me know if you need more information, or send me the service offer(s) so we can proceed.
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Also the resone I broke up was suddenly I started thinking too many things like my mom will agree or not, about finances (because bay area is super expensive) and I was going through a terrible time. And at the same time she was getting very serious
Expert:  Anthony Bray, MD replied 8 months ago.
Hello ,Most of your history of this relationship above sounds that you do not match in terms of what you want vs what she wants ...She seems to be looking for a more in-depth commitment ( but she seems to be RUSHING that )You seem much mor hesitant toward her on several levels ...It seems that she needs to find someone whom is more eager to pursue aggressively more commitment and you need a slower / steady progression of relationship...If you wish to try to get back with her that is of course your choice but I simply offer my observations from your story ...You would seem to need to pusue other dating relationships and see what is more comfortable to you long term I think ... You seem hesitant toward this woman in several regards ***** ***** her ...I think that it may be kinder to her to let her move on with her life if your feelings do not match hers ..I hope that this is helpful for youLet me know if you have further questions or concerns or discussion.If my answer has been helpful and to your satisfaction then please remember to leave positive feedback Thank you and Best Regards,Anthony Bray MD
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Thank you, ***** ***** does help.You are right she is looking for commitment and I am not sure about it yet. Why do you say I am hesitant on several regards. I dont want slow, I am just not sure after 4 meets. Also maybe because this is my 1st serious relationship and her 7-8th.She is in rush but she did say she is ready to take it slow. She says yes to everything that I ask for or say, including during sex.Major reason I want to get back with her is I want to give it one more try and I think she is still very sad and crying all the time. Also I think she is still waiting for me, because while breaking up I said I need some time to figure out things. She also said she will never date a guys again.The reason I broke up with her 1. it got too fast 2. I was not sure about my feelings for her completely 3. I started thinking too many things and freaked out like finances, cultural difference , mom being against this. I do care a lot for her, I have cried for her thinking I will have to break up with her.If we talk how long will be the talk?
Expert:  Anthony Bray, MD replied 8 months ago.
Hello!It is fine if you wish to pursue calling her or continuing to date..If she is willing and eager to date you/talk to you > that is fine..You seemed to indicate that you had broken up with her however...That may affect how she responds to you..You list several concerns as to her being "right" for you ..You need time to sort out your feelings and questions..It is fine to try.. that is normal.. a relationship generally takes time..Let her know that you are interested but that you feel that you need more time and space to work things out..There is nothing wrong with that..I hope that this is helpful for you.Let me know if you have further discussion.Best Regards,Anthony Bray MD
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Doctor can we talk on the phone? I have seen your offer, that is for how much mins?
Expert:  Anthony Bray, MD replied 8 months ago.
we can talk on phone...I'm getting on road here shortly ...I will get back to propose times that we may get a call set up....
Expert:  Anthony Bray, MD replied 8 months ago.
It is not a specific time limit ...just "reasonable" up to 30..45 minutes
Expert:  Anthony Bray, MD replied 8 months ago.
Hello again, Now and for next 1..2 hours would be fine ...if you wish you may accept the phone offer....
Expert:  Anthony Bray, MD replied 8 months ago.
Hello again,I'm back online this evening ...will be online largely during evening hours here Let me know if you are still interested in call.Take Care --Anthony Bray MD

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