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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2819
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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Here is my story. I've been single some time,

Customer Question

Hi,
Here is my story. I've been single for quite some time, never married no kids on my best way to spinsterhood since I am 35 now. Since I have been single for so long and the need for physical touch (the non sexual kind, like someone rubbing your back and such) I decided to start going to massage therapy since I had this real crave to be touched. I don't have many friends and physical closeness in my circle of friends and family has never been a thing, I mean we just don't do it, not even at funerals (attempts to hug people in my family are met with rolling eyes and discontent). I've been doing this for some time now (like 6 months or so) and it has really helped me relax and feel more in tune with my body. Anyway for the past 6 sessions or so my therapist started kissing me, which I know it's unprofessional, but hey I really enjoy it. I've even asked (as a joke) if this was part of the regular program or if it's just today's special. We do get along very well, have almost the same sense of humor, and since I am sitting in my underwear on that table they know what I look like naked so all my body image insecurities don't matter. My problem is why are they doing this? Is this "part of the program", am I oozing desperateness and they have a need to fix me, are they into me? What is this? Besides the matter of massage and kissing, we never went out, they won't even return my texts except for when I'm making an appointment (When texting on other matters I never get a response). What should I make of this?
Fact of the matter is, that while I do enjoy the thing (I mean the massage and the kissing), I also feel embarrassed about it (sometimes I feel like run around with the word spinster tattooed on my forehead) and most of all, I would really like to be asked out and have my texts returned. The casual no strings attached thing is not for me, I could never let anyone I don't like even just a tiny bit, touch me let alone, kiss me. What should I do? Every time I am the one doing the asking out I'm usually rejected so I've kinda given up that sport since I'm like followed by a jinx or something. For the past weeks I've come home with a lot of questions in my mind about this, but never an answer.
Submitted: 6 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.
Hi. I understand the need for physical touch but the massage therapist is crossing a boundary here...why is he doing this? I cannot know, but it sounds to me like this is a boundary that should be maintained. You say you are okay with it, yet it conjures up a lot more of your insecurities. Depending upon your comfort level, I might ask why the massages have taken this turn and what is the purpose of the kisses? As for your dating life, the more energy that is expended on not being with someone the more chance you have to feel awful about being single. I certainly believe you can have a ***** *****fe while being single...doing many activities you love and maybe at some point meeting a like minded person whom might be intrigued by you.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.
Let me know how else I can support you.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.
If all good for now, please take a moment now to click on the rating tab to rate my support so that I may be credited for my time and support. Thanks for taking care of that. I wish you well and keep those boundaries safe and strong.Jen