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DrHoellering, Doctor (MD)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 22014
Experience:  Doctor of internal and general medicine at Self employed
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I'm having some thought issues. My girlfriend and I were talking

Customer Question

I'm having some thought issues. My girlfriend and I were talking about the first time we made love and it's was nice, but it was a weekends worth so she was a little sore. We are a bit older. She stated, yeah I havent had sex like that in long a time. That made that night feel so less than amazing and made me feel insignificant. I dont know how im going to ever make love to her again without not thinking about this. She apologized and then lied about what she actually said. I love her but dont know how to get over this feeling. im so careful with my words. What bothered me even more was that I told her that I would get over it but she just got upset with me. Advice?
Submitted: 6 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  DrHoellering replied 6 months ago.
Hi there I am Dr.Customerand pleased to help you. If I understood you right she liked the sex with you because it was better than other encounters she had. Can you please tell me what exactly is annoying you?
Customer: replied 6 months ago.
No, she compared it to a previous encounter. If you re-read my question I think you'll better understand
Expert:  DrHoellering replied 6 months ago.
I understood, but wanted to be quite sure. Ok. You weren't your gilfriend's first boyfriend. She has had experience and not only chose you but even stated that you were much better than what she had before. This isn't bad.Please ask yourself why you nevertheless are bothered: Would you have liked to be the first one? Didn't you know you weren't? Did you know but don't like to be reminded of the other(s)?
Customer: replied 6 months ago.
No, I know I wasn't her first..we're in our late 30's and we both have children. I'm bothered because we were talking about our first sexual encounter and she made a reference to a previous encounter. I'm bothered because I thought it was special and the fact that she mentioned another encounter as being similar. Yes she enjoyed it but it devalued our special night. Now I know I'm going to think about this every time we have sex as well.
Expert:  DrHoellering replied 6 months ago.
In my understanding she didn't mean to davaluate the night. It definitely was special! But she seems not to dare to clear up this misunderstanding with you. She lies to avoid the discussion (what makes her afraid of it?) instead of making everything quite clear. You will need to discuss without any personal feelings ("I listen to you carefully, will not interrupt you, will try not to be offended and stick to the pure facts and only after that tallk aboput my feelings"). You will only be able to forget this episode if you clear it up thoroughly.If you want to talk about this longer, please accept my offer.

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