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Ask CounselorJules Your Own Question

CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 578
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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I am a 17yr old single male and i want to have sex with my

Customer Question

I am a 17yr old single male and i want to have sex with my very sexy single 36yr old mother and make her pregnant.
JA: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.
Customer: I do read a lot of incest novels and magazines and leave my computer on and on incest sites. I know that she reads some of my books and magazines because i've found some of them in her bedroom and even found some dildos in her night stand.
JA: Anything else I can tell the Psychologist before I connect you two?
Customer: sometimes she'll even walk around in her underwear. One time i was masturebating in my room and i know she was watching me.
JA: I'm sending you to a secure page on JustAnswer so you can place the $5 fully refundable deposit now. While you're filling out that form, I'll tell the Psychologist about your situation and connect you two.
Submitted: 7 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 7 months ago.
Good morning. I hope that I will be able to help you today. First I want to encourage you that sexual thoughts are normal, but when they feel obsessive and intrusive, that is a problem. It seems as though it may be important for you to understand a bit more about your thoughts, their etiology, and maybe how you can rid yourself of these, as the sexual desires really are a problem. It sounds like you have trouble controlling these. This sounds a bit like the possibility of a presence of obsessive compulsive disorder. There is a vast misunderstanding of what OCD really is-- most people think it is about cleanliness or perfection, while this is a symptom of it, intrusive,unwanted, sexual thoughts are actually a very common and normal aspect. OCD is an anxiety disorder. The compulsive aspect of the disorder is the action that is taken to neutralize the thought. For you, it sounds like masturbation and use of pornography temporarily pauses the sexual thoughts. My encouragement would be for you to recognize that you are reinforcing the thoughts by watching the pornography, reading the books and magazines. This conditions you to have a sexual, and pleasant reaction to the thoughts, thus reinforcing them. It is very brave of you to reach out regarding this nature of a concern. I am curious if you have had other intrusive thoughts: Fear of contaminationAggressive impulsesPersistent sexual thoughtsImages of hurting someone you loveThoughts that you might cause others harmThoughts that you might be harmedI want you to understand why you may have these thoughts and then what you can do about them, rather than acting on these.... This means the degree of importance that you attach to intrusive thoughts or images. It's crucial to understand here that everyone experiences intrusive thoughts and doubts - that are usually absurd and are the opposite of what they want to do or think. In the 1970s researchers carried out experiments where they asked some people with OCD and some people without OCD to list their intrusive thoughts. They could find no difference in the types of thought reported by those with and those without OCD. The difference is that people with OCD have more frequent and distressing thoughts than others because of the meaning they attach to the thoughts and the way they respond to them. OCD is maintained when you interpret intrusive thoughts as a sign that is there a serious risk of harm to yourself or others (over-importance of thoughts), and also believe that you can prevent the harm by what you do or don't do (overinflated responsibility).The actual content of intrusive thoughts comes from your values - the things that are most important to you. The thoughts represent your deepest fears. So, for example, a mother might have intrusive thoughts about stabbing her baby, because he is the most precious thing in the world to her and she would be devastated if anything happened to him. For you, maybe there is a longing to have a closer relationship with your mother, or with a female, and you look at your mother with endearment? Or it could be the opposite, maybe you are angry with your mother and you are using a defense mechanism called "reaction formation" to act out the opposite of an aggressive behavior by having the sexual thoughts. For example, you may have the thought your mother is wearing an attractive outfit and interpret that to mean that you are sexually attracted to her. This causes you significant distress or anxiety. You may then attempt to soothe yourself with a ritual or compulsion that temporarily reduces your anxiety such as silently repeating to yourself that you are not attracted to your mother. As is so often the case with emotions, the harder we resist anxiety, the worse it seems to get.There are some particular ways of thinking about anxiety that make the situation worse.'awfulizing' means tending to describe something as 'awful', 'horrible', or 'the end of the world'. This only makes it seem more frightening.'catastrophizing' means anticipating disaster as the only outcome - thinking that something catastrophic will happen unless you do something to stop it.'low frustration tolerance' (LFT) means regarding anxiety as 'intolerable' or 'unbearable'. Unfortunately this makes it more likely that you will use short-term ways of dealing with it.The vicious circle that maintains OCD is completed by using safety-seeking behaviors in situations that make you anxious. When you think you are in danger and feel extremely anxious, the natural response is to escape. In this sense, safety-seeking behavior is a natural way to try to reduce your anxiety. However, as we have seen, intrusive thoughts themselves are not the problem, and dealing with them by safety-seeking behaviors - such as trying to suppress the thoughts or performing compulsions - actually increases their frequency and feeds back into the obsession.For most people, OCD can be successfully overcome. There are two main ways of treating it: cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) and medication, and these can be used separately or together. However, CBT is generally preferred because it lasts longer and tends to have fewer side-effects. Medication may be recommended as an additional treatment if your OCD is severe, or as a short-term measure while you are waiting for CBT. The goal of CBT for OCD is to teach you that you can manage the anxiety associated with intrusive sexual thoughts without performing compulsions or rituals. You will learn a type of CBT called Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). Treatment will include education about Sexually Intrusive Thoughts OCD and how it is maintained, cognitive strategies that will help you respond differently to anxiety and intrusive sexual thoughts, and behavioral strategies to help you delay and/or eliminate compulsive behaviors. ERP/CBT will help you face your fears about acting out sexually, in session and in the real world, and practice new ways of responding to anxiety. With practice and experience in facing your fears, you will find yourself to be less disturbed by sexually intrusive thoughts and more able to cope with anxiety and uncertainty.

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