Good morning! I will be helping you today. If you don't mind, I'm going to take a couple of minutes to provide you with an answer. I wanted to ask if there was any more information that you would like to provide, if so, feel free to do so now while I'm responding to the question. Thank you! Julie
I think it is really important to communicate your needs in a relationship. If you don't, you are going to continue to feel hurt which later can turn into resentment. I would also encourage you to approach him with a sense of vulnerability. If he feels that you are complaining, it could lead him to acting defensively. I actually suggest that you are feeling very self conscious about the relationship. Seeing him or talking to him is important to you and your security. Having been diagnosed with Bipolar does play a role in how you approach him. An understanding of the disorder is important also, because he may have trouble at times with organization or planning. Additional pressure can cause him to feel anxious as well.
These two articles discuss the importance of communication in a long distance relationship.
Maybe say something like this, "Babe, I know how busy you have been lately. I am really proud of how hard you work and all that you balance and accomplish. I am just really missing your voice. I appreciate the texts and the time that you do take for me, but I really want us to make plans so that we don't put our relationship on the backburner and miss out on opportunities to talk. I dont want to feel that our relationship is being brushed aside and I never want you to feel that I put your needs aside either. Do you think that we can come up with something that makes sure we are able to set specific time available for one another......"
Oh my goodness. I am sure that was hurtful. So you are feeling criticized and not affirmed by him. Do you feel that his statements were impulsive and part of the Bipolar disorder? Remember also that "what you permit, is what you promote." You cannot allow him to speak negatively toward you. Those external messages become the internal messages. And dating is a "job interview" for marriage. You may want to pause and think about what you want in the long-term. Think about your own future goals and remember your self-worth through all of this.
Please read the links that I suggested also, it may help you talk to him about the importance of the communication.
Im sorry that you are dealing with these feelings, but dont be afraid to ask for what you need in a relationship.
Best wishes! Julie
And if this has been helpful, please provide a positive rating :)
I found this link. I think it may be helpful for you.
Also, are you familiar with the 5 Love Languages? It is a helpful tool to help couples understand how the give and receive love, which will also help communicate what you may need from him. I can provide that information if you would like.
I will go ahead and provide the information about the "Five Love Languages." I think it's something you may find interesting :)
There is a book and also several links available regarding this. I will send this information toward the end of my answer. I'm going to provide you with a brief description of each "language" first followed by the link for you to be able to do the quiz at home and possibly have your partner do the same! It is helpful in knowing this because your awareness can help you ask for love and offer love in the "language" that you and your partner most understand or need.
#1: Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, "I love you," are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
#2: Quality Time
For those whose love language is spoken with Quality Time, nothing says, "I love you," like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
#3: Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
#4: Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an "Acts of Service" person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: "Let me do that for you." Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
#5: Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
I was just following back up with you :)
I hope that I was able to help you with your question. Please don't forget to accept the answer and provide a positive rating. It doesn't mean that communication has to cease, but it does let me know that we are going in the right direction.