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Ask Tarra Bates-Duford Your Own Question

Tarra Bates-Duford
Tarra Bates-Duford,
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 26
Experience:  CEO at Family Mattters Counseling Group LLC
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Dear Dr, I am a 34 year old single woman. I am having issues

Customer Question

Dear Dr,
I am a 34 year old single woman. I am having issues dating. I have been told I am attractive and pretty many times. However, I almost ever get approached by men. set up an online dating profile. I went on a recent date, one was with a 53 year old man who is having a difficult time dealing with his divorce and started to cry talking about it and he never called me again. The frustration has left me feeling very desperate. I posted provocative photos and went on a sex chat site that I would not normally ever dare go on. Just to get some attention. I know it is the wrong kind. I am desperately craving love and attention and no matter what I do, I am still alone. I tried a few meetups. But I have a very busy schedule and sometimes I am not able to go all the time. I live in the city, but I feel like I am completely invisible walking down the street. I am even having a difficult time making friends even with women my own age. I transferred to a new department and it was not a warm welcome. What advice can you give me? Should I just stop thinking about dating and men, focus on my hobbies and making new friends? It's difficult with feelings I have and surpressing the need to be with someone. I am currently losing weight, although, I am by no means fat or out of shape looking!
Thank you,
lost and sad
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Tarra Bates-Duford replied 8 months ago.

If it is love that you are seeking, you are going about things entirely the wrong way. What many fail to realize is beauty exudes from the inside out. Therefore, physically you may be able to attract a mate, but if you are not happy, satisfied, and understand your worth you will not be able to sustain a relationship. As a forensic psychologist specializing in familial dysfunctions and a relationship expert you appear to be getting in the way of yourself. You are engaging in things that can only lead to disaster. The older gentleman you went on a date with was clearly not ready for a new relationship as he was not over his divorce. Posting provocative pictures on a sex chat site, suggests you are looking for and or interested in intimate encounters, not something long term and committed. When we do not feel entirely comfortable and confident in ourselves it shows. People on the outside can typically pick up on the fact there is "something missing" and or lacking with someone else. Having confidence and not putting so much stress on oneself to "find the one", allows you to be open to the possibility of meeting and connecting with the right person. Often when we are desperate for the love of someone else, anyone else it shows. People are draw to and attracted to the confidence of a potential mate. The only advice I can give you is to ask yourself why am I sabotaging myself socially and romantically? Ask yourself why am I posing provocatively on dating sites and entering sex chat sites whose main purpose is to connect people that really want to have intimate encounters with no strings attached? I think you should take someone time getting to really know yourself, figure out hat it is you want and what qualities you are looking for in a mate. Once you are satisfied with yourself and comfortable in your own skin you would be surprised by the number of people that will be drawn to you, not just because of your physical beauty but you internal beauty as well.

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