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VA-NP
VA-NP, Nurse (RN)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 16036
Experience:  Nurse Practitioner
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I like to know why nobody seems to like me w ho i want. I

Customer Question

I like to know why nobody seems to like me w
ho i want. I was working with this guyanese guy(he's a department manager) at the warehhouse where i work. I was following him on instagram. I pm him and just said "hello" and he blocks me for no reason! He did have a girlfriend 6 months ago but something happened and she called it quits. I want to know why he'd call me "darlin" and "luv" and even give me free bottles of water at work and suddenly he's very rude outside
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  VA-NP replied 8 months ago.

Hello, Denise,

Is this person your supervisor, or your supervisor's supervisor?

Customer: replied 8 months ago.
He's neither, just a sort manager. I started following him on Instagram and just said "hello" in a PM and in a little while,I'm blocked after he acts like he likes me calling me luv and my darling and seeming really nice. He's suspended with pay since Feb 16 for something I couldn't even guess
Expert:  VA-NP replied 8 months ago.

Hello,

Many companies have policies against fraternization - even with employees not under their direct supervision. Sadly, many male supervisors (and even some female ones, who should definitely know better!) call everyone "Luv" and "Honey" and "Sweetie." You shouldn't assume it means anything - other than they are too lazy to remember your name! That he blocked you after only saying "hello" definitely means that he isn't interested in you socially - just as an employee. I wouldn't call giving you a bottle of water an invitation to have a social relationship. It's something anyone would offer a complete stranger on a warm day.

We have a saying in the US "Don't fish in the company pool" meaning you should look outside of your employment for social contacts. Assume everyone inside the building is only a business contact. It causes much less confusion.

Best regards,

Schuyler

~

Customer: replied 8 months ago.
He is a sort manager but not "THE" supervisor. We both work in the same warehouse. He was acting like he likes me calling me et names like"my luv" and "darling" o started following him on Instagram and I didn't even say one thing just "hello" in a private message. He's also been suspended since Feb 16. I have no idea why
Expert:  VA-NP replied 8 months ago.

No one would know why he is suspended. That is a personnel matter and has to be kept confidential.

It doesn't matter whether he is your supervisor or not. Most places do not allow fraternization. Likewise, people carelessly call everyone "honey", etc. It doesn't mean anything at all.

Your best bet is to forget all about him, since he has no interest in you.

Best regards,

Schuyler

~

Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Well!! I don't give up easily!! And you don't know if he's interested in me or not!! I DON'T and I repeat DON'T LIKE YOUR ANSWER!!! I pursue my dear!
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
I turned around and cried sexual harassment to h.r!!! While he's suspended for apparently peeving off another manager and she cried the same thing when things went wrong!!!!
Expert:  VA-NP replied 8 months ago.

Hi, Denise,

I'm sorry you don't like my answer. Nevertheless, it is a sound one. Pursuing someone who shows no interest in you rarely comes to any good end for the pursuer. As for my not knowing if he's interested in you or not, anyone can infer that he isn't because he blocked your number after you contacted him the very first time. I don't know of any clearer message he could send about his feelings (or rather his lack of feelings) for you than that.

I'm sorry to hear that your HR department had such a failure in keeping personnel matters private. Whatever his infraction was should not have been known to anyone. The mess with the other manager just shows the dangers of trying to have a personal relationship in a business setting. It rarely ever works out well. Now that you have reported him to HR as well, I'm certain he will want nothing to do with you.

I'd like to get back to your original question of why don't the people you like return the sentiment? Is this the usual pattern of your relationships? Have you spoken to a counselor about this? Could it be because you frequently choose inappropriate people on whom to bestow your feelings? You might want to consider that possibility. It's also possible that you just wrote that when you were in a general funk about his blocking your calls and this isn't the usual pattern at all.

Best regards,

Schuyler

~

Customer: replied 8 months ago.
How can I just pick inappropriate people without knowing that they are that type of person. Everyone I find attractive has been dumped, it seems by a previous girlfriend. Is it the subconscious that can read them and that is what I find a turn on?
Expert:  VA-NP replied 8 months ago.

Perhaps it is a matter of a subconscious choice. Perhaps you aren't really looking for a serious relationship because of low self esteem, or some other reason. If you always choose someone inappropriate, you wouldn't ever suffer a failed relationship, because there would be no relationship to fail.

Or perhaps your subconscious thinks that you are somehow better than the previous girlfriend and can claim the man for yourself.

There isn't any way to know just in a short while. That is why I would suggest you see a counselor a number of times to explore why it is you seem drawn to inappropriate men.

Best regards,

Schuyler

~

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