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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2813
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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My ex &I were together 2 years.Things moved pretty fast &he

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My ex &I were together for almost 2 years.Things moved pretty fast &he was staying at my house every night after a couple of months so we eventually moved.He was in Nursingschool so things were high stress.Inevitably issues arose.He was dishonest at times & he had trouble relaying what he needed.He didn’t like confrontation so anytime there was an issue it would get put aside.I think with a lot of relationship’s your around each other at the beginning a ton &then you need to get into a more realistic schedule but we both had trouble explaining what we needed. He would go out for drinks &promise he’d be back in an hour or two & not come home until after 2.At this point we were fighting constantly &I didn't trust him. I also found out he had been seeing acoworker behind my back. Nothing physical ever happened just breakfast after work & texting (which he deleted) however the trust was lost. He lied for months saying he had stopped talking to her.I only found out it was still ongoing when I reached out to her & she told me he said he was single &initiated conversation with her.She said theyd made plans a few times but he always cancelled before showing up.He moved out so we could work on our issues,but it was an uphill battle as he did not want to put in any effort & I didn’t trust him.He also objected anytime I tried to break things off.As in hed do something stupid &when reached the point of leaving, he'd give me the usual crap ofnot wanting to lose me.So I’d agree to keep working on things. Looking back, I'm not sure why I stayed, besides the fact that I loved him and my son adored him. He was pretty heartless towards my feelings and needs.Things were starting to look up, we had looked at a house to buy &he told me he was applying for jobs close to the house so he could move in to.The following day he broke up with me thru a text after refusing to come home after dinnerW/ his parents.He would barely talk to me after this, but he left his dogs & stuff at our house for weeks after.When he finally came to get his dogs he wouldn't really talk just stated he didnt want this anymore & he was done.He left &then called saying this was the hardest thing that he has had to do but it was necessary because of the fighting and arguing.The reality is that he left me high & dry. Our lease was up on our rental so that’s why we were looking to buy. He left me to not only move out of the rental by myself but also to find a new place to live on 1 income as opposed to 2. Anyway about 2 weeks after the breakup he started dating a coworker who I had asked him about before.He was so cold when I messaged him for closure and just said it felt right to him and he didn’t expect to move on so fast but I needed to not contact him any further.He blocked my # &all of my social acc. It wasconfusing cause he had told me so many things in regards ***** ***** he has never felt like this about someone and he wanted his life to be with me. He said when he broke up with me he intended on focusing on himself and staying single and he knew it would be a while before he could move on with someone else.Its been a yr now & I still haven't gotten the answers that I need to completely move forward.I think about him every day.Ive dated,but I don’t click with anyone as I did with him.He recently reached out to me & apologized because this girl & him broke up about a month ago.I met up w/ him for coffee & it was like nothing had changed. He said he needed to take a step back from things with us to clear his head& he was sorry for what he had put me thru.Apparently she was extremely abusive (physically &mentally)& was stalking him after he broke things off.I guess when he was in the relationship he thought that he deserved the abuse so he just took it until he finally had enough.He has a long way to go as dating her set him back & headmits that.I know how easy it is for me to fall into wanting to believe what he says,so I’m hesitant. I’m at a loss as to what to do. My family are not as forgiving as I am and they would not condone a relationship w/ him as they saw what I went thru after he left.Ive made a lot of positive changes in my life over the past year:I started my business, bought a house and recov. from an eating disorder & anxiety. I dont want to fall back in to that,but I also know what we had was special. We were both at fault in diff. ways & I know I have matured alot since. Ive become more trusting &forgiving which are 2 things I lacked.As cold as he was when he left I didn’t think Id see the day when he apologized & reached out to me. As much as I hoped this day would come I didn’t plan for it being here.Im at loss as to what to do. I don’t want to dive in & I told him that when he askedif I have thought about us trying again.I also dont want to get back in to a relationship if he hasn’t changed as far as lying &communicating. I know I cannot go thru what he put me thru before.Would it be possible to move forward with him after all of this?
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 9 months ago.

I am not sure it is possible to make this work...that is my honest opinion, but that doesn't mean you can't try. I certainly would not move in together and I would casually date and explore it all and see how it feels. I worry that you will always be looking for dishonesty and any hint at it he will shut down and shut you out. I would keep the lines open and keep talking but take some time to date and just spend easy time together without rushing or forcing anything. That is your best chance to see if something could work.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 9 months ago.

Please let me know how I can support you. If all good for now, please take a moment to click on the rating tab to rate my support so that I may be credited for my time. Thanks in advance.

Jen

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