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CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 676
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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My ex baby mom years have been difficult towards me. She

Customer Question

Hello. My ex baby mom for six years have been difficult towards me. She does things that I believe she thinks bothers me but really makes her look stupid an silly. Whenever she sees me 8out of ten times in five years she looks at me with an ugly intentional look and doesn't stop until I look at her and makes complete eye contact then she stares at me with that look. She always say she don't like me but never gives me a reasonable answer as to why. We were engaged and her family destroyed my wanting to marry into the family. Her mother mainly very controlling of her. And caused her mental stress and anguish concerning me. My question is Does she act like this cause she wants me back or cause she really just don't like me? She has talked to three men since me. Even rubbed in my face numerous times about her marrying one but it never happened which I knew it was not cause I know her and she never told me they were even in a relationship. Recently two days ago she allowed a man she just met went together for a month then broke up. Now after Valentine's Day got back together then allowed him to meet me and they haven't even established a real relationship. Is this an twisted attempt to see if I desire her still to react and come back. We agreed that I am to meet someone if they will be in my daughters life and hers. They haven't even established a three month relationship for him to even consider meeting me... Please help
Submitted: 12 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 12 months ago.

I would like to be able to help you. I appreciate how much detail you put into the question. Historically, it sounds like there could be a connection in her behaviors and hurt. There may be unresolved grief issues and she is texting out of hurt, but projects it as anger. The anger about the relationship ending may be related to a loss of control. If there were boundaries that could not be set, she may actually be angry with herself or even her mother. It is responsible to meet the person who may be involved in your daughter's life. I commend you for being able to do that. I hope you guys can be amicable as parents.

Do you see yourself ever in a future relationship with her? Maybe all of the pettiness or even failed relationships is a form of what we call "reaction formation" which is a defensive mechanism in place. I will send you a link describing common defense mechanisms which may provide insight to you.

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 12 months ago.

Check this link out.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-defense-mechanisms/

I hope that you will find this helpful and choose to accept the answer so that I can receive credit for responding :)

Further processing is available if necessary. Thank you! Julie

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 12 months ago.

Basically it may be easier to deal with her anger towards you than showing you her hurt or true feelings.

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 11 months ago.

I hope that this has been helpful to you and that you will take the time to review the answer and provide positive feedback. If you need further information, please feel free to continue communicating.

Thank you so much! Julie

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