Thank you for writing and including so many details. Hopefully, I can be of some help. In relationships I feel that it is important to consider each others' needs and I think of "submission" as more of a "yielding" to needs rather than allowing someone to have all of the control. In this case, I suggest you communicate with him what your concerns are. Of course, it would be nice moving forward in relationships and marriage if there was no doubt, but you have already been through a loss and a breakup. You have to protect your assets, for you, for your kids. But more importantly, do you feel that the idea of the prenup will create a doubt in him about the security of your relationship? One perspective is that you have a safety net. your earnings and savings prior to marriage to him, are yours. You have established those prior to this and they are set aside for your children. Is it possible to rent your home out as well? You can also speak to an attorney about a "contract will." I suggest also having additional "life insurance" policies where the other is a beneficiary if that provides more security.
Most importantly, though, if you are coming from a place that you are truly not ready to begin this new life, slow down. But don't live in fear. After communicating with him and sharing your concerns, take some time to see if you are reassured. Your life is waiting.... It's normal to fear change, but you don't want to miss out on a healthy relationship because of past trauma.
I I hope this has been helpful. If so, please accept the answer and provide positive feedback :). A positive rating does not mean the communication has to cease, but o do hope you have found some clarity.