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CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 646
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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I met a man four months ago who at the time told me he was

Customer Question

I met a man four months ago who at the time told me he was coming out of a 28 year marriage. He strongly pursued me. He and his wife still live in the same house. At the time, he told me that they have been to lawyers and she was moving out after the holidays. He told me that he respects me and in no way ever wants me to feel like less than the woman I am. We went out to lunch one day and a friend of his wife saw us together. She approached him about it a few days later. After that, things changed. He was t in contact with me as at night like he normally would be, he shared with me that she was stealing his phone and going through it. Through this, I expressed my reservations about allowing my emotions to run deeper while this was going on and I also shared that I am not a home wrecker and have no desire to be viewed as one. He assured me that I'm not, that the marriage had been over for years but he hasn't made that final leap because she has never worked and he needs to sort things out financially. Fast forward to now. All along he said he wished he had had everything sorted away before we met and said he went back for counseling and wanted to go on a retreat to get his head clear. I completely supported him. He went on the retreat two weeks ago, came back and said it was extremely helpful. He shared a lot with me and said that he will be going back every Saturday. He said he will be making a lot of changes that many won't be happy about but he's tired of living his life for everyone else and he wants to become the best man he can be. Again, I fully support him. At the end of the conversation, he told me that he loves me. He said he sees me being so happy in the future. He thanked God for bringing me into his life. With all that said, I feel as though he has detached. He doesn't call me or text me. When I call or text him he seems extremely busy. Why would he say those things and then detach himself? my guy is saying, knowing this man, that he needs his time to get good with himself so he can come to me feeling the best he can possibly be but I'm not sure and during my weak moments. I wonder.
JA: Thanks. Can you give me any more details about your issue?
Customer: Just that he is kind, worries tremendously about hurting me and said he wants to be the best he can be for everyone.
JA: OK got it. Last thing — Counselors generally expect a deposit of about $18 to help with your type of question (you only pay if satisfied). Now I'm going to take you to a page to place a secure deposit with JustAnswer. Don't worry, this chat is saved. After that, we will finish helping you.
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 10 months ago.

I am available to help you. I apologize for the wait that you incurred on receiving support.

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 10 months ago.

Thank you for the detail that you put into your question. It sounds as though you are processing this loss and it has definitely been difficult for you. there are several systemic factors in play here. First, he was in long term relationship, and he often attempted to please others. In saying that, he may feel that he lost his voice somewhere and is now realizing that he has to establish boundaries with others. When we try to pleas others, we become a slave to everyone. I know in those moments of weakness, it is normal to begin wrestling with self-blame or questioning our own roles. I think he is processing his own restoration at this time, and his answers and reasons have been very honest with you in regards ***** ***** he is focusing on himself. I wonder, if you feel somewhat used? or if you are questioning what your role was for him? You definitely don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is "incongruent" or not ready to move forward. A broken half, cant help you make a "whole." Does that make sense? Don't allow this experience to lead you to questioning your worth or what you deserve in a relationship.

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 10 months ago.

I am available to continue processing, if you would like.

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 10 months ago.

Or if you have found this to be helpful, I hope that you'll accept the answer in order for credit to be received for the answer provided

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