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CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 646
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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My ex boyfriend who is 47 years old left me 22 year girl who

Customer Question

My ex boyfriend who is 47 years old left me for a 22 year girl who he works with. He has a daughter who is 18 by another marriage. We been together for 9 years and I thought we had a great relationship, we have had our share of problems but we always worked them out. I'm 32 and he's 47. We were best friends did everything together. I just dont understand to throw it all away for a 22 year old girl. His friends that he grew up with their daughters graduated high school with her, I just see a future with someone that young, she's into drugs and likes to party and he wasn't into drugs when I was with him and didn't like to party. Is this a mid life crisis ?
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 10 months ago.

Thank you for sharing. I would like to be able to help if possible. It sounds that you are hurt right now. A loss takes time to process. There appears to be a pattern present. He was 38 years old and you were 23 at the beginning of your relationship? So Im not sure that I would completely scapegoat a phase of life as the problem. Maybe this situation is less about a mid-life crisis, but more about how we can focus on our own roles that contribute to the breakdown of a relationship. While, he may be trying to live with more risk or take chances right now, maybe you can focus on you. Focus on how you want to heal from this relationship and identify who you want to be as a woman and partner during this time.

The grief cycle has 5 phases: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Sometimes in the bargaining phase, we question situations, try to make sense of things, or think of what we would have done differently. I would focus less on his reasons, and more on what you want for yourself.

Customer: replied 10 months ago.
I was around that age when we started going out. I met him at the fire station. We recently just got a house and re doing it over the way we wanted it. AndAnda so just purchased a new vehicle. And all of a sudden he left me. We were planning what we were going to do this year for renovations and planning a trip. He never gave me no.sign that he wasn't happy.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
I been to the doctor for a anit depression pill and I been talking to a therapist. We live in a small community so I have to drive by the house to go to work and when I see her vehicle there it breaks my heart into a million pieces all over again
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 10 months ago.

Im sorry That I am just able to respond. I was teaching a group. I'm available now for processing. It is definitely even more difficult when you felt that there was no sign that there were relationship problems. Is there a pattern of him impulsively leaving relationships? I commend you for seeking support from a doctor and for talking to a therapist. Processing this adjustment alone would be difficult. It tends to make one question themselves and their own worth at times, especially if they feel abandoned or rejected. My encouragement is to continue focusing on your personal growth and what you want to gain from this process. Is there another route that you can take to work to avoid triggers of unhealthy thoughts, such as seeing his car and then reliving the trauma? It is definitely not easy living in a small town and feeling like there are anchors of heartache present everywhere you turn. I would encourage you to try new things and engaging in new activities. If you are still in the home you purchased, focus on how you want the home to be for you. I bet it would feel empowering to accomplish these tasks on your own. You may surprise yourself at how capable you are. Be patient with yourself also, focus on your strengths, on your personal goals, don't be defined by this loss. It's easier said than done, I know. Talk positively about yourself also. There is opportunity present in everything that feels like conflict or even failure. I truly wish you the best. You sound like you have a lot of things going for you and you are assertive in addressing your needs. Build your support system with people you trust and focus on spirituality right now-- but do it for you.

I hope that has been helpful. If so, I hope youll accept the answer and provide positive feedback.

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 10 months ago.

I hope you have had the chance to review the information provided! i am working to build up my ratings and I hope you will take the time to provide positive feedback! Thank you so much! Julie

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