Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
Wow, I appreciate all of the detail you put in asking your question. I think that you were really thorough and that helps to understand the issue. So, you have a history with this woman and it sounds like you care deeply about her. I think that the relationship that you have had has been complicated, but I commend your ability to take ownership of your own role. That says a lot about the kind of person that you are. I think any loss goes through a grief cycle. It is very difficult for one to go from one relationship, directly into another. I think that she may be processing from a rebound perspective, but that really isn't something that you can control. You recognize that all you can do is control your reactions to the situation. A suggestion that i have would be that you continue to focus on how you can continue to be that better man or boyfriend to someone (her or someone else) and that you foster those areas of growth. You will have to remain strong in your own boundaries so as not to allow yourself to engage in a relationship, where you could potentially be someone's second choice. That is not intended to sound harsh, but in essence, you don't want to be "that guy" waiting around for her to let you know that she still loves you. You have insight and awareness and I would encourage you to find your interests, focus on your long-term goals, try new activities (possibly even meeting new people along the way) and working on your own journey of self-actualization. Releasing a relationship is not an easy thing to do, but if you look at everything that feels like a conflict as an opportunity, you will see that you have much more to gain in the long run. You sound like a compassionate and caring person. Show yourself some of that love and be intentional in your efforts to focus on you. And actions speak more loudly than words (or so they say), so I suggest rather than telling someone how much you have changed and how willing you are to do things differently, you just get in the groove of doing it for yourself. Get active-- for you!
Hope that is helpful.
I hope you found that to be helpful. Please take the time to review the response and accept the answer and if you feel led leave a positive rating. I am available for more help if necessary. Thank you, Julie!
Good morning. I am hopeful that you were able to take the time and read through the answer. I hope it has been helpful for you! If so, please don't hesitate to accept and rate the response given.