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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3040
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I was in a relationship with my EX 5 months and then I broke

Customer Question

Hi, so I was in a relationship with my EX for almost 5 months and then I broke it off because I lost feelings for her. Well, a couple weeks later I had a change of heart so to speak and asked if she wanted to get back together and she did. Well, after about 2 - 3 weeks this time I broke it off again but this time saying she wasn't a good fit for me. So now here I am a couple months later after the 2nd break up falling for her all over again. I miss being with her and miss what we had and I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from ever breaking up with her in the first place. We kind of already talked about getting back together but we both agreed we should give it some time before we do anything. I was wondering if I should get back together with her or not and am I just setting us both up for failure for a third time? I'm really conflicted and don't know for sure if my feelings for her are genuine at this point and if we could ever get past the two breaks up. Thanks for your help!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

It seems to me that something is off in the connection between the two of you...2 break ups in a short period of time indicates that something just didn't feel right. Is it that you are afraid to be serious with someone, or is it that she just isn't the one with whom you share a deep physical and emotional connection? It may be that you desire to go back to her and miss her because it feels nice to be with someone, so it may be less about her when you go back and more about being with someone and having someone to do things with. I would not say put it off altogether, but maybe take things slow and date and be loose and carefree about it...then you can let things develop without the pressure of having to say you are in a serious, exclusive relationship. Clearly she likes you because she keeps getting back with you, so maybe keeping things light is the way to go until you can decide if the connection feels right.

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