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CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 620
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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My husband wont get rid of s ex stuff. we got married 2

Customer Question

my husband wont get rid of his ex stuff. we got married 2 months ago, and I'm in the process of moving it but her stuff is all over the house.
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 9 months ago.

I would think about the significance of the things remaining in the home. Although there isn't value in those objects to you, it can be significant for him. A relationship loss still requires a grieving period. It sounds like it could lead to some sort of insecurity for you? If that's the case, attempt being vulnerable and sharing with him that you would like to understand the attachment. It's difficult to release relationships at times, but it is cathartic to purge. You don't want to force him to do this, but you do need to "request" not demand insight into the question. It's important to demonstrate validation for him. Pay attention to what emotional needs are being met in the relationship. Make sure those are going well rather than bringing up the past. I call it the "Oreo" method. Positive, negative, positive. Communicate the good things and recognize his efforts, identify the behavior or situation you would like to understand or to have changed, and then identify how you feel it would be helpful and reiterate the positives. You don't want to invalidate him, or make fun of his emotions in any way. Be respectful of the past relationships and understand that this part of his journey, brought you together. Focus on how loves you rather than your expectations of how he should love you.... Remember that he chooses you now. There's probably no comparison.

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 9 months ago.

Have you been satisfied with this answer?

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 9 months ago.

I hope you have had the time to review and rate my response to your question. My desire is that if offered some sort of clarification! I do hope you will keep in contact. I would love to hear the progress. Best wishes and warm regards! Julie

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 9 months ago.

This is just to follow up and check on the progress of things. Can you let me know how you feel about the responses that you have been given? I hope that they have provided some sort of help for you.

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 9 months ago.

Just following up once more, to ensure that the information provided was helpful. Please provide any feedback or accept the answer if so.

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