I suggest that the best way to move your marriage forward is to Take Her To Marriage Therapy--even though I agree with you that she will probably make the best progress once she gets into individual therapy with someone she can trust. If you insist that YOU need couples therapy to make your marriage workable for YOU and you need her to participate fully, then YOU can take the responsibility of finding a competent and acceptable marriage therapist. If she resists coming with you, there are moves you can make to get thru that resistane.
I suggest you look in your area for an Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist, which you can find thru the Internet. Couples therapy approaches vary quite a bit, and some can either miss the path or even do more harm than good. But EFCT has a system that normally opens with one or two couples sessions to focus on a dysfunctional relating cycle (arguments that lead to stalemates and withdrawal like yours), and then each partner has one session alone with the therapist, or with one member of the therapy team if the couples therapy is being provided by a cotherapy team. I'd advise you to call around to therapists you find and try to find an experienced (10 years minimum) woman with whom you sense that your wife would be likely to feel comfortable. And also ask each potential therapist how much personal therapy she (or he) has had; because to be a real healing personality a therapist needs to have experienced her/his own strengths & weaknesses and how it is to grow in personality through intimate verbal and emotional transformation. (Most MA and even PhD therapists don't have to engage in the therapy that Freud & Jung & all psychoanalysts knew was essential for comfort with the unconscious processes involved in what is a priestly dedication. So they can't guide others very far. For your wife it's NOT any "Cognitive-behavioral" learning, but her emotional experience of self-discovery and transformation that will make all the difference for the rest of her life.
DON'T rate me until we have discussed this and any other issues you want. We have a week at least, if you want to keep corresponding back and forth. I'll check back tomorrow night at least, and each day thereafter, to expand our dialogue. I'm in my 40th year as a licensed MFT, and also have a research PhD and authored a textbook on couple relationships.
I'll have to come back tomorrow to give this more time. I know what that feels like. And 3 years is a normal crisis time, because the early passion in relationship has normally simmered down, while most couples have not yet had enough practice to develop good ways of getting through an argument-or course-adjustment in their interaction-styles. That's precisely what EFCT aims to help with. So that couples therapy approach will make a good support-foundation for working on herself and yourself (separately--which they normally start in the second or third session) .
It appears to me that he hostile reaction to your wanting some "mirroring" (ie appreciative response) to your devoted career-efforts reflects her own comparison- shame, with how badly her own work is going. I can also feel how awful it might appear to her to be urged to get pregnant when she's experiencing negative outcomes in her work and you're getting positive outcomes in yours--so she might perceive upcoming motherhood as the deathknell for her launch of a worldly success effort--thus making her a "failure" in modern womanhood, just as her family messages have prepared her to be.
That's all I have time for at 4:54 am. More tomorrow.
PS "Little things" aren't little for her, when their emotional roots lead right down into the negative cages for her heart and soul that were built in her family of origin.
When her life is going so badly for her and your career life is so passionate for you, she's not going to be able to give you the emotional support and appreciative reception that you need--until you get yourselves into Emotionally Focused Therapy together. So you could lead the way by doing a CAREFUL search for a trained, skilled, experienced (10 years @ least is preferable) and personal-therapy-veteran therapist. You can and should interview prospective professionals on all of these aspects, though some will be reluctant or even rude about answering interview questions. For most modern graduate psychology programs DON'T prepare people to be well trained and personal-therapy-experienced counselors the way Freud, Jung and all psychodynamic therapists always insisted was necessary--so the therapist doesn't UNCONSCIOUSLY behave in ways that are damaging for the therapy's progress. The New York Times occasionally surveys psychotherapists and reports that about 2/3 are not very helpful or even damaging, BECAUSE the grad school professional standards are too weak, and those that aren't well enough trained DON'T even know how much they Don't Know!
If YOU do the prep work of finding a high quality therapist for your wife and yourself, you can have the first one or two sessions for yourself, where you can express your frustration about not getting your emotional needs met. A well-trained therapist (who's NOT just trying to convince you that he/she is right for you) might suggest that your high intensity for hard work & success might lead to both inner starvation for emotional (& possibly sexual) satisfaction and a frustrated sense that you're entitled to the love-demonstrations from your wife that you try to give to her, and these emotional pressures could put you into a cage of suffering that's somewhat comparable to what your wife has grown up with. So you may need to change your own psychological balancing system somewhat to take more responsibility off of her for helping you balance yourself. For otherwise you may continue to contribute to her suffering in a comparable fashion to her contribution to your suffering. Anger always attracts its own mental justifications. But if you're not going to tear your relationship apart, but use its untrapainful misfitting friction (a classical 3year marital crisis) to fuel a need for growth instead, then you might need to adjust your own priorities to value your partner and love-relationship as much as you are dedicated to your worldly labor.
[Since I've already suggested this dilemma, you won't need to be too disappointed if/when a serious therapist comes up with a comparable question for you to consider.]