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Ask Dr. Paige Your Own Question

Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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I still can't believe it is over between me and my ex. I

Customer Question

I still can't believe it is over between me and my ex. I don't know how to cope with it. I keep hoping in time he will come back but I know it is over. Knowing this is so overwhelming. I made my whole life every him. Whenever I get motivated and work hard , it was because I was happy to have him in my life. Now I have no motivation to do anything
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Will I ever be able to move on from him. It's been 3 weeks
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.

Hello. I'm sorry you are going through this. 3 weeks is a relatively short time. I don't know how long you were together or any other information about your relationship, but getting over someone takes time. Sometimes a lot of time. Your motivation will return. Allow yourself time to sort through your feelings and learn how to live your "new" life. While it feels as though he was your life, YOU are your life. You and no one else. You can and should work hard for you. You need motivation for you. I know all of this seems unreal right now, it has only been 3 weeks. The sooner you allow yourself to think more positively about your future, the sooner you will get over him. It could take months, it might not. There are no set rules to when someone should get over another person who was so much a part of their life. You will do it. Find something to keep you busy. Read, go for walks or hikes, if you are an artist of any kind, delve into your craft, find something to keep you busy and occupied. Put all of the energy you had into your relationship and redirect it to something new and worthwhile. Allow yourself time. You will have ups and downs, good days and bad days, but eventually the healing will be complete and you will move on. You can do this. Take all the time you need without putting a time line or pressure on yourself.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
My ex block me on email and on his phone all of a sudden after 3 weeks
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I just found out today. He left his Facebook open but idk when he will block me again
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.

So you had a relationship for 3 weeks and you are assuming he broke up with you because he blocked you from Facebook and email ? Am I correct in what you are saying ?

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.

How long was your relationship before the break up ?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I had a relationship for him over 2 years
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
We broke up 3 weeks ago
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He block me on his phone and email :( but he didn't block me on Facebook
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.

Was there an argument of some sort which lead to this ? What makes you think this is over for good ? Did he tell you this, was there an official "ending" to all of this ? In any case, you still need to give yourself much more time to heal than 3 weeks. It will take a long time to get over a 2 year relationship.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
There was an argument that led to me slapping him for the first time and he was just beyond angry that he said he would never forgive me
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
When I last talk to him a few days ago he was calm and said he doesn't want to put work in a relationship. Because of this argument, he just became a different person. It's like his trying to erase me from his life like I didn't exist
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He isn't hurting at all. He doesn't care that I was just beyond stress and it was a one time thing. He doesn't believe me and that hurts too
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.

The best thing you can do right now is the hardest to do. You need to ignore him. Get on with your life. If you keep trying to contact him, it will push him further away. Everyone has a line they don't want crossed and apparently, you crossed it. All you can do is apologize and then let things fall as they may. He also needs time to digest all of this. Give it to him. Of course you aren't going to forget about him, but try to go on with your life. You don't know for sure if he is hurting or not. Men don't generally show their feelings openly. If you walk away and move on, maybe he will see you had 2 years together, it's worth another shot. He may NOT, but if you don't give him the space he needs to figure this out and try to move on, he will move further away. The nly thing you have control over right now, is yourself. Concentrate on you. Take it a day at a time and try to have some normalcy and fun in your day. Like I said before, keep busy.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for the advice , I know I should leave him alone but I haven't since after the fight . I been apologize every single day and I'm afraid I made all the mistakes instead of leaving him alone
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I'll leave him alone now, I didn't confront him why he block me on the phone or email like I would have if it was a week ago. Now it just seem pointless and hurtful on my part if I even try to make sense of it
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I was afraid that if I leave him alone, he will forget about me or realize that he doesn't want to be with me :(
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.

Yes but so what if he does ? I know that sounds harsh but there isn't anything you can really do about it. If you were with someone who can't forgive you for a mistake, then what would have happened if there was something else which happened ? Maybe he was just looking for an excise to end it ? There are a lot of factors at play. There is always a chance he might come back, but the only way to make that chance happen is to move on. Then maybe it will be YOU to decide if you want to take him back ! After taking some time to think and strengthen yourself, you may decide that he wasn't willing to work with you through one thing, how would a future with someone like that be ? There will be situations in relationships where one has to forgive the other for a mistake. If he can't do that, you certainly can't live your life with someone who is unable to forgive mistakes. Maybe it is you who is better off !

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for the wise words. I keep rereading what u say and try to take it to heart. I guess I'm a fool. I check everyday to see if he has yet to put down our pictures on Instagram, Facebook and his email profile. I don't know what I'm searching for. When he doesn't, it doesn't make me feel any happier Since we are not talking ...
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.

You should not do those things to yourself. Find the strength to be able to elevate your self esteem. Sometimes it takes getting mad at the situation instead of upset and sad. Whatever it takes. You are not a fool. Just keep telling yourself it's for the best. There will be another out there. Someone who isn't so intolerant of mistakes.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
How do you practice being strong minded?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.

Practice with tiny things. For example, if you come home and there are dishes to be done and you really want to put it off, make yourself do them. You are sitting on the couch but know you need to get something done, get up and do it. Start with having will power over procrastination or other things your mind is telling you. You really want that piece of cake, but you should eat an apple instead, so go eat that apple. I know it sounds silly and simple, but it helps your mind and you learn that you can control little things, then bigger things. You will feel happier with yourself for it too.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I still have a desire to only want to be with him. He is the only person I want to be with. I know it sounds crazy by I want to better things with him. Right now, it seems like I can't do anything but give him space. What do I do even though my heart wants to be with him.?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.

It's only been a couple of weeks. Of course you feel this way ! It will change as time goes on. It can take months to get over someone, sometimes years. You need to give yourself a lot more time.

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