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Ask Tarra Bates-Duford Your Own Question

Tarra Bates-Duford
Tarra Bates-Duford,
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 26
Experience:  CEO at Family Mattters Counseling Group LLC
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My man is too attached to s family, what do i do?

Customer Question

my man is too attached to his family, what do i do?
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Tarra Bates-Duford replied 10 months ago.

Could you be a little bit more specific regarding too attached? If you could provided me with examples that would be helpful

Customer: replied 10 months ago.
He prefers their company over mine, for instance i travelled to another state a few days ago nd he hasnt called me yet
Expert:  Tarra Bates-Duford replied 10 months ago.

Could you answer some of these questions for me? I am trying to get a clearer picture of your relationship with your boyfriend as well as his behavior as it pertains to his family. How long have you and your boyfriend been in a relationship? When did you begin to feel as if you boyfriend maybe too attached to his parents? How long have you been in another state? Have you met his parents? If you have, what was your boyfriends behavior like when all of you are together?

Customer: replied 10 months ago.
we have been together for 8 years but have lived together for almost 18months, he has always been attached to them but i feel i didnt notice it cos we didnt live together. i have been away since sunday, and yes i met his mother before she passed away in 2014, when he introduced me to them i think i still meant alot to him, @least more than i do now.. His sister stays with us nd he spends most of his time with her
Expert:  Tarra Bates-Duford replied 10 months ago.

I agree we are often not aware of our partners behaviors and or twerks when we do not have constant contact with him or her. Often we are confronted with things that were not previously known to us during a living situation. Based upon your message I do get the impression that he cares about you. I get this impression because he introduced you to the people he felt were most important in his life which would suggest you are just s important. In regards ***** ***** sister, often when a parent dies an older sibling or a male sibling will begin to exhibit protective behaviors towards the younger sibling and or the female sibling. I realize your boyfriend is an adult and so might his sister but he may still feel responsible and or obligated to "look out for her". As you mentioned his sister is staying with you, which could translate into a number of reasons why he has not reached out to you. He could be placing questions to his sister about how you are doing, reaching out to his sister more because he perceives her to be emotionally fragile since the death of their mother, his perception of you consists of you being strong and if something was wrong you would tell him, etc. I think you need to have an honest, open conversation with you boyfriend expressing all of your concerns, specifically letting him know how you feel when he does not display interest in your feelings or well-being.

Customer: replied 10 months ago.
Thanks for your help so far... I have tried talking to him countless times but he still acts same way, each time we have little arguement he keeps malice with me for weeks on end nd then spends all his time with his sister while am all alone.. Am begining to think leaving him would be best as i cannot continue to live like i dont have a man
Expert:  Tarra Bates-Duford replied 10 months ago.

It appears as if you two are locked in a cycle of anger, resentment, abandonment, and hurt feelings. If you have made several attempts to convey your hurt feelings to your boyfriend, it repeatedly results in an argument, and things go unchanged you may have to consider this relationship may not be capable of moving beyond this phase. In a healthy relationship each partner deserves to have his or her feelings validated even if the other partner may not agree. The fact that he does not acknowledge how his behavior and lack of empathy for your feelings has impacted the relationship is really concerning. If one does not have insight into his or her behavior and how that behavior can impact those around them it will constantly be an uphill battle with resolving relationship issues. If you honestly feel that another conversation with your boyfriend will not help, then your best option should be to focus on yourself and what makes you happy.

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