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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3203
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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My boyfriend and I recently got into a very big argument. It

Customer Question

Hi,
My boyfriend and I recently got into a very big argument. It had to do with trust (I did not trust him). He said he felt like a prisoner in our relationship and asked for a break to work things out. The day before we took the break is when the fight occurred. I said horrible things to him, and I told him that I wanted to break up.
He left that day (6 days ago) and hasn't returned any of my phone calls since. I went over to the place he is staying at 2 days ago to try to talk things through. I could tell he was in a place of a lot of anger. He told me that he was willing to hold on to our relationship, but I blew everything up. He said I hurt him so much and that there is no going back anymore. He said that when I kicked him out, he told himself not to look back. I asked him if we have a chance at fixing it and he said "At this point, NO. I don't have all the answers now because I'm angry". He also said me being there was not helping my cause.
I sent him an email today, explaining how I was sorry and that if he gave me a second chance, things would be different between us. He did not reply. At this point I don't think any attempt to contact him will get a response.
I don't know what to do. I don't know if there is a future left to hold on to. And I don't know how much time I need to give him.
Just a bit of background:
Before the fight, we were having problems with trust. But we were happy (I am not just saying that because I want to comfort myself), but we were truly happy. He has told me many times that he wants to marry me and he has never given up on our relationship before. Throughout our problems, he has been the one trying to fix them and start fresh.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

I am sorry to hear of your pain around this fight and the break up. I think he needs time to sort it all out and let his anger calm down. If you can take a step back and give him the time that he needs, then there is a possibility, he will miss you and your time together and reach back out. It is excruciating for you to wait, I know, but it is your best course of action. How long do you wait? Hard to put a time frame to that, but letting him calm down and letting this all play out is your best hope. As he said, you going to see him did not help, so try and breathe and care for yourself while you pull back. If the happiness was there, then give him some time to remember that and come back.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

Let me know your thoughts.

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