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Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question

TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2812
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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This is only,

Customer Question

This is for therapist JEN only,
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.

Hi. Welcome back!

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Thank you I just sent you an update
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.

tell me

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
I would like this for JEN ONLY,I spoke with her yesterday regarding this relationship and how I was ghosted and didn't hear from him and that he wouldn't respond . I sent one more text late yesterday afternoon, stated that it takes courage and strength to be forthright and treating me like a ghost without an explanation is cowardly and intolerable.
He responded late morning and this is his response.
Putting things as straight forward as I can. We went into this relationship with the ideas of it developing into
some sort of future with each other. As time passed and we got to know each other better, I just didn't feel
any sense of a future together. A few times, a month or so ago, I was going to have a conversation with you
how I felt about us. Then the holidays were coming and I was going to wait until they were over. I went out
and bought you a card and present , I just had no feelings behind the thoughts of what the card should say, or
what to buy you for Christmas! When we were texting back and forth before Christmas, I just didn't have a
place to fit you into my plans. That only confirmed for me that I didn't have the feelings for us and there
was no future for us. I know it wasn't fair to you to end it that way, and for that I am sorry. I know how I feel
and I am sure you will agree with me as to ending things between us! I only wish you good things and good
health in the New Year..This is the first guy who I have met with CLASS and I am having different emotions,,,, am I not good enough for
a guy like this!!! He always treated me with class, but he didn't LIKE me , it is a self esteeem issue , maybe I can''t
get anyone at that caliper!!! Also, I am also MAD and want to respond in a negative way!!!! HELP
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Can I ever find someone like that with class and traditional values? Should I respond ,,, I want to call him a coward, and tell him I have no respect for HIM<<< very mad not coming from a good place
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.

I'm reading..give me one moment.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.

I have read it a few times to absorb it all.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.

Even though you had to reach out for that response, I think he did a great job in being honest and open. Yes it hurts, but reacting in anger won't serve you. It hurts the self esteem for sure, but you can heal from this. You will find another when the time is right...it didn't click for him but that doesn't mean you aren't good enough....the fit just wasn't there for him.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
My fear is I never saw any signs of this, we always were pleasant together and intimate in a loving way, I saw a future with him and what he represents ,a hard-working financially classy man and he is the type I want. I did see some signs when we weren't together like his lack of communicating (maybe it was his disinterest), I always initiated texting, he never called. Should I respond at all or just move on? I am anger and want to tell him I don't wish him well but I know I am not being objective.
I am very upset (glad I am home today),
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.

If you read what you just wrote, you did see things...you initiating communication, him not communicating with you well when you weren't together...you relied on the times together and they were good but maybe just not enough for him. I know you want to tell him negative things and that is because your pride is hurt and that is understandable...I think your response could be something like this....

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.

'Thank you for your honesty. While I wish that your feelings were different and that we shared the same desire, I understand and wish you well always. I have enjoyed our time together and had hoped to continue building upon things. Have a wonderful new year and best wishes, always.'

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Why am I being so nice, could you explain that? I have an idea, but being so hurt i am not thinking straight
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
I do like your response and will probably send it.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.

You are responding with grace and dignity and that serves you...this isn't about him, but you get to carry your head high.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
You are right, thank you for your help,, I am going to send it now to get it done sooner than later, signing off, thank you .
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.

My pleasure. I am here.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.

Please take a moment to click on the rating tab to rate my support. I am not credited for my time without it. I thank you in advance.

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