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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3137
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I'm a 46 YO full time single dad to 3 boys dating a 43 YO

Customer Question

I'm a 46 YO full time single dad to 3 boys dating a 43 YO divorced 15 years single mom to 1 son who she has single handedly raised into a fine young man, graduating HD in May. We began dating in July '15 and had 3 of the best months of my life. It was nothing less than magical. During this time, my girlfriends work life became complicated and she changed drastically in October.
What was once a beautiful became a one sided relationship as she "hit the breaks hard". She says that she is confused about everything in her life,needs to find God's peace and isn't sure about her future.
I'm doing all that I can to love her the way that she needs. But, it's starting to become difficult, she says "I love you", but the actions simply are not there.
The lady that I'm writing about is the best person to enter my life since I cannot remember when. As she said in late August "we could have a fantastic life together". I want our relationship to work, more than I have wanted anything. Yet, here I am on Christmas Day Googling to find out what is wrong with us. The distance that is now between us is becoming too much and leaves me searching for an answer that I'm not convinced exists.
Any guidance is greatly appreciated!
Wishing you the happiest of New Years,
Trying hard to find my way back to amazing.
M
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

Hi Bill, I am sad to hear that on Christmas your heart is suffering. It is quite possible that she feels all of the wonderful feelings that you feel, but unlike you that is confident and excited about it all, she is terribly frightened. As you mentioned she has been single for some time, raised her son on her own and then all of a sudden, meets you, a wonderful man and the brakes comes screeching...most likely from a fear of loss....the loss of herself and the life she has known for some time. That does not mean she doesn't want it all with you, just that is scares her terribly. So, what do you do? You let her know how you love and care for her and will do what you can for her to feel safe and secure and if that means giving her the time and space for her to figure it all out, you will do just that. Then, you must wait...hard for sure, but that is the best thing to do that could afford the outcome you desire. I am sure she loves you too and even if it feels like the actions aren't lining up with those words, try and understand that most likely due to her fears. Keep the faith and let things play out.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

Please let me know if I can support you further. If all good for now, please take a moment to click on the rating tab to rate my support so that I may be credited for my time. Thanks in advance and I am here again in the future should the need arise.

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