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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3202
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I was in relationship with a man years and after we broke up

Customer Question

I was in relationship with a man for 10 years and after we broke up we eventually still were friends. My current boyfriend of almost 9 years has not liked this although he still has not really commited to me . The former boyfriend recently died suddenly while picking weds in my back yard . I was asked if I wanted some of his ashes and my boyfriend said no you cant take any. Since he hs not really committed to me and I feel at this point he is just using me I changed my mind and accepted some ashes but had not told him and he found out. Hes says I lied to him and I am wrong. I said I just changed my mind and since he has totally avoided any true commitment to me why should it even matter to him. I did care deeply for this man when I was with him nd loved him. Am I wrong?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

I am sorry to hear about this painful loss for you. I think it was wrong of your current boyfriend to decide for you about the ashes. If you were friends and shared a big part of your life, then it was up to you to decide what you wanted. Seems to me he was threatened about your feelings for this other man, which doesn't make a lot of sense since you were not with him any longer. I think you hid it from him because he had told you no. I can understand why you did that...you wanted the ashes, he said no and the only way to get the ashes was to keep it from him. I am sorry that he cannot see it this way and just needs you to be wrong. It's not a matter of right and wrong, and more about what you desired that he was preventing.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

I am sorry to hear about this painful loss for you. I think it was wrong of your current boyfriend to decide for you about the ashes. If you were friends and shared a big part of your life, then it was up to you to decide what you wanted. Seems to me he was threatened about your feelings for this other man, which doesn't make a lot of sense since you were not with him any longer. I think you hid it from him because he had told you no. I can understand why you did that...you wanted the ashes, he said no and the only way to get the ashes was to keep it from him. I am sorry that he cannot see it this way and just needs you to be wrong. It's not a matter of right and wrong, and more about what you desired that he was preventing.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

Let me know if I can support you further. If all good for now, please take a moment to click on the rating tab to rate my support. Thanks in advance.

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