I think you should take all of his reasons at face value and they all play a part in his decision. I think what is most important is why you are hanging on after only a few dates when he has decided it is not what he is looking for. Even if he pursued you hard as you say, that doesn't mean that after a few dates he realized that he wasn't interested. So again, like our other threads..going over every inch and detail is not the best strategy. You moving on, and yes, maybe without the answers you want, but with the answers you have. He isn't interested any longer and that is where things are. Pick yourself up, because I know you can, dust off and move on.
I just want to learn from this and see where I made the mistake. I know they all are part of it, but which one do you think might be the main one? I hope you can help me on this because if I made mistakes I should learn from it and not to make it again.
Also this is to add to reason 2:
On the first day of his one month travel, I asked the question above. He was still saying he can imagine being in the long distance relationship with me and he seems is interested in having a relationship with me. Immediately after this, his chat start went sparse and he went less bubbly. Nothing happen in between. Then we didn’t see each other for one month but we kept chatting. Although it seems he is going downhill regardless. He worked on his mind internally and just get to the conclusion we are not a match (see reason 3) and he can’t have a relationship with me. If we are not even seeing each other and he has this downgrading trend, was it really because we are not a good match or he just convinced himself with his reasons that I am not a good match??? And he just used whatever happened in the conversation to validate his reasoning because that is the case he wants to establish and he has to make that case a reality. Anything fault he felt he can add to the case he will use it. Because regardless the downgrade trend is not reversible and it will go down regardless of I am perfect or not. If I am perfect, he will still be able to find some excuses to build that case.
Would you agree?
I dont know the main one and I dont think it is just one. He has given you his reasons so accept it for what he feels it was for him. He is not interested for whatever reason. Only you can dig deep and learn about yourself.
Remember you told me earlier I shouldn't dissect every piece and analyze every little details. But the real situation is, I don't do that because that is who I am. when I start doing that, usually something seriously wrong is going on and it messed my mind up and I am so desperate to figure out a way to get out and solve the problem.
Nevertheless, whenever it gets to that stage, it is always fatal. I have seen it always that way when it comes to dating.
Ps reason 1 vs 2, which one do you personally think is a major reason?
You are doing that now and I don't believe it is helpful and nor is this forum for that to take place. If you feel that you need to go deeper then I believe you could get the support you need from face to face counseling. That would be the best place to dig deeply and search for answers withing yourself to see patterns of behavior.
You know I feel like casually seeing him will be hurtful but in the meanwhile sex with him is also tempting (he is still one of the most special person I have ever met in my life).
Which route would you suggest me to take?
I suggest you take the route that feels best for you. I can't say which is best as you know best what works for you. If it feels right for you then structure it how it works for you.
I am sorry but I am off for the night now. I will opt out so someone else can support you.
If it were you, which one would you take?
I am off for the night. I am sorry but I can't continue now.
I got this answer from a forum and I think this is the right answer. I was asking if it would make a difference if I didn't ask that question of where we stand if he moves away:
The answer is: No - things would not be different. The guy is in a noncommittal phase in his life. You just got caught in his wake. Forget him, he's not worth it, he's wishy-washy, and move on.