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Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question

Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Do I have feelings?

Customer Question

Do I have feelings for him?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

Thanks for your question and I would like to help. When you think about him what are your thoughts do you see that you could be in a relationship with him or do you just see him as a friend?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
no. Physically he is not really my type, and without sounding too mean I think that I am more attractive. I do care about him a lot and have pictured us being together before. I'm not sure if I'm being blinded by my insecurities of what other people will think of us being together or if I truly don't have feelings. We have had three dates and started to be physical and I am enjoying it.
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

Thanks for your response. If you are enjoying it then that is definitely something to think about. It is important to be physically attractive to someone within a relationship, but I believe this can happen automatically when friendship is built and feelings start to stir as well. This is actually better because that is when deeper relationships form since their basis are more than just physical attraction. Therfore rather than the physical aspect coming first and the rest following the deeper aspects come first and the physical follows. In reality in all relationships beauty fades by age and time just as it can by natural causes, such as sickness or an accident God forbid. However, if the love and friendship are there then the relationship remains intact since it was built upon a whole lot more.

I think you should analyze how he makes you feel as well as what your priorities are within a relationship then go from there. Don't allow other people's opinions to steer you either way. In the end it is your happiness that is important and your relationship to maintain. Everyone will judge regardless and have their own thoughts. What matters is your feelings.

I understand you are confused, but the fact you are enjoying it means a lot. Give yourself some time and take it day by day in order to make the best decision that works for you.

I wish you all the best and please let me know if I can be of further help.

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