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Martin, Engineer
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4895
Experience:  i'm 41 and i never stopped studying and experimenting
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Over the last few years my husband joined private men's

Customer Question

Over the last few years my husband joined private men's groups and and everyday would look at these groups and look at all different pages of nude or nearly nude women on the Internet
Would like and comment on women's photos and some would be just 18 it makes me feel sick in the stomach .
I was very upset that he did this and spoke to him about how it made feel .
He told me it was normal and all men do it and he likes to look at women and it wasn't his fault that I'm insecure and I needed to get over it .
From time to time i would talk to him about it and he said he didn't understand how it made me feel and would stop for me and I believed him.
He lied to me over and over and would get angry with me and then came well if you gave me more sex or gave me sexy pics of you I wouldn't look .
We have always had a great sex life so I didn't get that .
I tried to get involved with what he was looking at and him explaining to me what he was liking about the women etc.
In July he said that's it I'm not looking at it anymore which I have heard before and was all lies he said he was serious
I believed him as I want to believe in my husband then about 2 weeks later he was showing me something on his phone and I said oh what's that he said well I'm not looking at naked women pictures anymore and I didn't think you would have a problem with me looking animated porn.
I got upset couldn't believe he thought that , that is ok.
Then just recently I saw him looking at random womens profiles and looking through their photos and friends lists looking for sexy or nude pics .
I said why would you do that why are you he said I only check out women in the groups I'm in .
I am over feeling the way I do
I love my husband very much and I have lost all trust in him
One minute he makes me feel amazing and the next makes me feel like I'm nothing .
How can I learn to just except this is what he does and he isn't going to change and be happy .
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Martin replied 1 year ago.

Hi. First i understand you and your frustration. That said, this is not a problem and i think you know it but just don't know why it is like that. Imagine a guy working in a lumber sawing company. He is at the quality control and watch 2x4 passing all day long. He is bored to tears and receive no joy at all other than the dream of having a pay check from all this. Now most men (at least those that have a chance to reproduce) will need good skill to find attractive women.

What feel like an attractive women is simply an external showing that a women have high chance to be very fertile due to high level of estrogene. Because this is a needed task for men, nature made them to like doing that sorting (unlike 2x4) by rewarding it with endorphine (pleasure) just like sex, food, hot bath etc... Like with all drugs, it can become addicting and some react more than other to that activity. That sorting/scanning mode almost take all the brain as you will notice men starting to start talking more slowly if a bombshell walk in their line of view when they talk. That kind of brain work (compiling all kind of body ratio very fast) would be very tedious if the men brains were not made the way they are.

If you bother him too much with that he will resent you and start to see you as an enemy instead of a life partner. It is his hobby, support him in that, as long as it only involve watching and not touching, no harm is done.

Internet made that easy but i never saw a Mechanic shop even when i was a alittle kid without a women callendar (or more) somewhere (usually not even the good year as the goal is just to get some endorphine and have nothing with date keeping).

The reason why he initially lied is that he probably beleived he was able to quit, but the urge was stronger than him. It is like asking to some women to not buy new shoes for 5 years :) (there is always an evolutive reason behin those things, the market only make it easier for us to furfill our craving).

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