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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1690
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend .5 years. We

Customer Question

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 1.5 years. We met on Match and have been very much in love for a long time. He is a great boyfriend and I love him so much. I had been in a 3 year relationship prior to this one, and this relationship
is much different and better. I am 26 and my b/f is 31. He is a doctor living in a state about an hour from mine. Because of the distance (about an hour) we only see each other on weekends but we talk everyday and he tells me loves me everyday. Now that we
are going on 1.5 years, I would really like to see each other more often. He has told me on multiple occasions that I am "the one"(more towards the beginning of the relationship) and we discuss hypothetical children and wedding etc. Our families have met before
and I see his family frequently. I am happy in the relationship but I find myself obsessing about an engagement all the time now. We do not want to live together before marriage, therefore even once we are engaged, nothing will actually be changing for quite
some time. I don't bring up marriage/engagement often but I have in the recent past and before. Every time I do, he doesn't seem like he wants to talk about it and cuts me off. but the last time he did say "that's the gameplan" but was annoyed that I was even
asking about it. I do know that he would want whatever he does to be a surprise, but I am not confident that he is even looking at rings at this moment. Also, I know that he has not yet asked my parents for my hand in marriage (which I know he will do), so
I don't think it's going to be coming soon. I know this b/c I am very intuitive and would be able to tell if my parents were hiding something from me (I think). I guess what I am trying to say is that I do not know what the hold up is?? We are both old enough,
he has his life together and enough money as do I. We are at the right age and place in our lives to make this next step (I definitely am anyway), so I keep getting frustrated and mad about it. Then I will psych myself out because I will be 27 in June and
was/am really hoping to be engaged before my 27th birthday. I don't want to nag or push the issue, but I also don't want this to take forever either! I don't know what it is. It might be that he doesn't want to lose his freedom. But he won't. Even when we
are married/engaged, he can lead the same lifestyle that he does now. I know that he doesn't handle change all that well either, and is sometimes slow at doing things. My point/question is, what can/should I do? Should I do anything? The obsessing is starting
to get bad. It's to the point, where I thought this would have already happened so now I am obsessing and second guessing. Wondering why he doesn't want to see me more often or hasn't proposed yet or isn't looking at rings. It's the first thing I think about
in the morning and the last thing I think about before bed. I would much rather this just happen organically of course, but I'm just having a really hard time. I don't want to mess up the already great relationship that we have, but at the same time, I don't
want to just keep seeing each other once or twice a week! He does know this, as I tell him I miss him and I hate that we can't/don't see each other more. He does agree with these things, but then why doesn't he take action!!!!! I know I need to be patient,
but it's just annoying because he doesn't talk timelines, and I don't know how/if I should bring it up. I don't want to leave him because it hasn't happened yet, but I also really want it to happen soon. I understand that I need to obsess less but I can't
help it. I got a new job that I will be starting next week so hopefully that will help keep my mind off things. He is a great b/f, extremely attractive, has a great family, life and job...so I'd really like to be able to move forward together as a couple!
I am getting annoyed about the fact that it hasn't happened yet and that it probably won't for a while just typing this message. I try to be as supportive as I can with him, and am patient during his times of stress (his job).....Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

Hi,

Thanks for your question and I would like to help. Have you always had a long distance relationship? Does he give you any objections or details regarding timeframes?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
we have never lived in the same city, therefore we have always been "long distance" in the sense that we can really only see each other on weekends. I am not sure what you mean by objection? We have never talked about a time frame per say. The only info I would kind of have is that on my birthday this year (June 3), I was contemplating if I should move back home with my parents or re-rent my apartment. He said that I should move home and enjoy saving money and living in a new beautiful house while I can before I move to RI (the state he lives in.) And I said, I agreed with that but it's a tough decision because I wouldn't want it to it for a long time. And he said that "it wouldn't be a long time"..... I moved into my house in Sept and that conversation we had was in June.I think as far as objections there really aren't any. Just he enjoys going out with friends often, he does complain about his friends wives and how some of them have kids and their wives don't allow them to go to the gym or go out etc. I do think he knows I am not like that, because I have commented on how I wouldn't do that.He showed me a screen shot of him and his friend texting about how his friend can't go to the gym with him anymore. The friend said to my b/f. "I can't wait until you get married if that day ever comes for you so that you can see what it's like".I didn't like seeing that, but I guess it's his friends words not his (but it is a close friend)

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