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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 10547
Experience:  I have a doctoral degree in psychology and have a history of providing couple's and family therapy.
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I have no chemistry with my husband. I've read a lot of

Customer Question

I have no sexual chemistry with my husband. I've read a lot of articles about this and none of it seems to fit my problem. Almost everything he enjoys about sex completely turns me off. I want him to feel pleasure in sex as well but neither of us like the same things. What should I do?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello, I am very sorry that you have no sexual chemistry with your husband. May I ask, has this been an issue during your entire relationship (including before marriage) or is this a more recent occurrence? Also have you both considered going to a sex therapist to help you both find sexual activities that you both enjoy?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
This has always been an issue even before marriage, but of course our relationship wasn't based on sex so I thought it wouldn't be an issue. It is slowly becoming more and more of a frustration. I would never cheat on my husband, but I don't want to be frustrated anymore either. I dont want to tell him how much of an issue this is because I think it might hurt his feelings. This is why I have not yet considered a sex therapist.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

I understand why you do not want to hurt his feelings, but I am sure he is equally as frustrated as you are from what you described, so while this may be awkward and/or embarrassing to both of you it needs to be discussed openly. It sounds like you both have had this issue for quite some time and have tried to resolve it on your own without success. Because of this I believe you both should undergo Sex Therapy to get some direction on this issue and also to try to figure out the causes and if a compromise can be reached where you both are satisfied sexually. A sex therapist may also be able to increase your emotional intimacy which can help increase sexual intimacy and compatibility as well. If you need help finding a Sex Therapist, I would recommend this website as they only have licensed and certified Sex Therapists on their register.

http://www.aasect.org/referral-directory

The Sex Therapy will probably last a few months, so you and your husband will have to be patient as this is a gradual process to help figure out what is wrong and to try to resolve the matter together.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you, ***** ***** I will bring this up to him. After clicing the link, I am not sure which sex therapist we should see. Is there a specific type that would be suitable? What do you mena by emtional intamacy?
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Some Sex Therapists specialize in certain areas (e.g. sex addiction, impotence, etc...) so you may have to contact ones near you to see if they can help you and your husband with this issue. Most should be able to help you though as your problem is not an uncommon one and most Sex Therapists are trained in that area to help you.

Emotional Intimacy is basically the emotional closeness you share with your husband (and he shares with you). This can be seen by recognizing each other's emotional states, supporting each other, having great communication, etc....So emotional intimacy is part of that bond you and he shares through trust, closeness, and comfort on a level that is beyond physical.

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