Hello, I am very sorry you are having this issue with your girlfriend, I can understand how distressing this can be for you. May I ask, in addition to the anger out bursts and attachment to her parents, would you describe your relationship as a roller coaster where she really loves you and then the next second she hates you? Also does your partner suffer from depressive mans anxiety symptoms? Lastly does your partner have s history of being impulsive and reckless?
Thank you for your response. Unfortunately a lot of the behaviors you are describing are akin to Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This disorder is tied to their identity and explain the anger, mood swings, attachment and abandonment issues with her parents, the manipulative behavior (saying she is lying about sleeping with other guys), and the impulsive and reckless behavior. This would probably explain why you are having issues with the relationship and why she does not take responsibility of her own actions as she believes everyone else is the problem not her. The sad part of this is that you most likely will not be able to help her unless she voluntarily seeks treatment. You have to understand only she is responsible for her actions and behaviors, and oy she can choose to stop or seek treatment. Just like you are the only person in charge of how you behave, she is the only one in control of how she behaves. If she will not actively seek treatment, or recognize she has a problem, than most likely this situation will only worsen because you can only change how you behave, not how she behaves. The effort of treatment must come from her and her alone, and if this is not possible you may have to consider moving forward and separating from this relationship as you are her partner, not her therapist. I know this may not be what you want to hear but I encourage you to read more about BPD and its impact in relationships.
Unfortunately unpredictable behavior, cheating, angry outbursts, and walking on egg shells is very common with someone who has BPD and there is a possibility she may have BPD. You cannot make it stop, only she can make it stop by seeking treatment for her issues. There is no cure for BPD, but it can be managed with the proper use of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and medications...although she must first recognize that she has a problem and she alone must voluntarily seek out treatment. If you continue in this relationship given how she is behaving than it will only drag you down and if she will not seek help than you need to decide when enough is enough.
Individuals with BPD have anger issues for a variety of causes, not just abandonment. Her anger issues, while synonymous with BPD, do not have to be focused on abandonment or attachment. Also individuals with BPD tend to idolize and then devalue their partner in a cyclical fashion, which is why this tends to be a roller coaster of a relationship. And lastly like I told you before, I can only speculate that she may have BPD, but she needs to seek out a psychologist to confirm the disorder. There is no doubt though that she has some severe psychological issues and no matter what this is going to be an unhealthy relationship until she admits that and gets treatment.
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Well I am sorry you feel this way, but you asked how I can "solve" your relationship issue and that is not really possible given that this is only a Q&A website. You have no control over her actions and behaviors, only she does, so I was telling you the fact that she needs to seek out psychological treatment to help her control her behaviors and symptoms. The fact that you were unaware of BPD before this shows that I actually did provide you with a starting point of information on the disorder, if she has it. Remember this website is not therapy, nor can a psychologist fix your relationship if one partner is not ready to admit their own issues and willingly seek help. I was trying to inform you that you are limited in what you can do for your partner if she is not willing to help herself. I know that is not what you wanted to hear, but I am ethically bound to give you the most accurate answer and assessment of your situation even if it is bad.
I know you want to fix things, and truthfully who does not want that, but with her, it sounds like you are slowly realizing that you cannot fix her as only she has control of her actions and only she can choose to seek out the proper treatment. Also with BPD, she only needs 5 out of 9 symptoms listed to qualify for the disorder...she does not need all of the symptoms. Here is a good link describing the full criteria and remember she only needs 5 out of 9: