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DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 360
Experience:  I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.
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I 't know if my bf is just take some rest off or he wanna

Customer Question

I don't know if my bf is just take some rest off or he wanna breakup with me. He ran away from our apt 3 weeks ago and cut off all connections with me. I wrote email to him and said 16th is our annual appointment we should meet and talk. He responded and pointed out it's actually 26th, i made a mistake on date (yes i did) and he said he is not ready to meet, see or talk with me. he also said he doesn't know why i wanna meet again and what i would like to talk. If I really wanna talk , I can write emails to him but he will not be able to respond anymore. He also said during days without me he had a lot of thoughts of me, himself and all about. Especially every night when he slept he always dream of me and my smile in his dream was incredibly beautiful. He wish one day we could meet see and talk to each other again with that smile, and will be sincrerely looking forward to the day. I used to tell him I understand that he just needs some time off and even encourage him to focus on himself and dont need to care about me. But he didn't do anything on my birthday, even a letter or email, never mention show up or gifts. Only mentioned: happy birthday in advance in his previous email. What does he wanna do ? Does he wanna breakup but too coward to speak out, so wait for me to say, or he just doesn't know how to respond ?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 1 year ago.


I'm Dr. Jackie, an interpersonal communication researcher/professor and relationship scholar. And I am so sorry you are in all of this pain and confusion.

I am not really sure what you mean by "annual appointment."-- Is that the anniversary of when you first met? Also, I do not really understand what you mean about not being able to respond to email although you can write to him? Does that mean he won't have access to internet? If so, then does that mean you can send all the emails you want but he can't even READ them let alone respond? Or do you think that means he does not WANT to respond? I definitely want to help you and give you good advice, but your answers to the above questions will really help me better respond to you.

Additionally, from what you have shared so far, it sounds like your bf may pretty much be gone for good. I don't see anywhere that you have written he wanted to take a break. He just left! Do you know where he is living? If his name is ***** ***** apartment lease, you can legally petition to have him "found" and pay his share of the rent. You are not married and therefore not legally responsible unless it is just your name on the lease.

I don't want to give you bad news without being sure and truly understanding the answers to the questions I asked above. But my general impression is that while he misses you and dreams about you, that does not seem to be enough for him to come back and try to work things out. If he has a job, then again, where is he living? He has to live somewhere...on the streets? With his mom? With a female friend that he is now perhaps interested in? I am so sorry that you are going through this. But it just does not sound positive that he is interested in coming back and having a solid relationship with you. :-(

Do you want to chat more about this? I have a few more appointments but will be back on later this afternoon and evening. It's about 10:00 a.m. now East Coast Time. I'll check back in about 3 or 4 hours. Please hang in there!


--Dr. Jackie

Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 1 year ago.


I see you didn't rate/accept my answer. Is there anything else I can research or help answer? I strive for 100% customer satisfaction. And of course, I want to make sure I have helped you. I know my answer was not as positive, I'm sure, as you would have liked. But I NEVER give customers false hope. I can help you with some communication strategies though like I had indicated yesterday. Please let me know!

Thank you,

--Dr. Jackie

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