Hello, I'd like to help you with your problem.
It sounds like your relationship with this man is based a lot on his needs and not so much your needs. You mentioned that it was his behavior that changed in the relationship and that a lot of your relationship was being aware of and possibly dealing with his addiction issues. That is a lot for someone to take on, especially if you have children and have other responsibilities.
One way to deal with the confusion and guilt you feel is to realize the facts. That is hard to do when you are in the situation, but try taking a step back and imagine someone telling you the same situation was happening to them, such as a friend or family member. Would you agree that they have a reason to feel guilt? Or that it is their fault that their partner had issues too big to deal with in a relationship? Should your family member or friend stay in a relationship that is one sided and that is making them unhappy?
The key here is to realize that your partner moved to your hometown on his own. You did not force him and he chose to pursue the relationship. But asking you to take on a past addiction issue plus deal with a current one is a lot to ask someone. Remember too, you have a voice in the relationship. If you feel overwhelmed by his issues, you have just as much right to make a decision based on your feelings as he does to have his addiction issues. You are not responsible for him in any way.
Also, you did try to offer help. No matter what, you showed you cared. What he does with that is up to him. If he chooses to reject your offer, that in no way reflects on you but instead on him and also tells you more about his ability to be in a relationship.
You may want to explore therapy for yourself as a way to find more ways to assert your own needs in a relationship. Or you can try self help as well. It will help you to feel better to know that it is ok to put your own needs into a relationship and expect that the other person will accept them. Here are some resources to get started:
The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships
by Randy J. Paterson
Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life
by Judith Orloff
People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts
by Robert Bolton
I hope this helps,
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