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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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I tried to communicate with one guy via Facebook, but he is

Customer Question

Hello, I tried to communicate with one guy via Facebook, but he is not responding to my messages, he added me as a friend, but after I sent him a friend request a couple of times. I really love his way of interacting there, it seems very similar to mine.
Is it dumb for wanting to get to know him better? What could be possible reasons for him not responding. I didn't quite ask him any questions, just made some observations how I find his statuses interesting. Please help
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

Hi,

Thanks for your question. Is this person from someone known from your group of friends or is it someone random you came across through the media?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I came to this person random across the media, we have a couple of friends in common, but I don't hang out with them anymore, he is a bit older than me.
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

There are some people who accept friend request easily while others not. Therefore, he may have accepted you since you have mutual Facebook friends in common, but may be hesitant to respond to you especially if you are younger. He may also be in relationship and that could be the reason. All in all I would not take this personal. Could be your messages are also going into his "other" folder and I noticed a lot of people do not even see those messages especially if using a cell phone. It is not dumb of you for wanting to get to know him better. You are interested since you saw you both have things in common. It's just that some people may be taken back by another messaging them and a little afraid whereas others would not mind and are more open. This is just his personality type, so I would not take offense to this or think it has anything to do with you.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
You think that even though we are now friends he cannot see the messages? I thought that goes only for people who are not friends? I would really like to get to know him better, should I comment on his statuses, but on the other hand I don't want him to think I am some kind of weirdo.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
actually he accepted my friend request after I sent him message on his cellphone (I found his number on his fb profile), but diid not respond anymore after that...Is it a ok sign that he even accepted my request?
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

Hi,

I believe that can still happen even when friends. I think it is an ok sign that he accepted you. But yes like you said you don't want to come across too strong if you start commenting too much . I would try to do a good balance. Since you texted him before and his number is ***** you can also try texting him something like " I don't mean to bother you, but you just caught my attention in Facebook because I agree with a lot that you post and I think we have a lot in common. I never did this before just so you know I am not a Facebook stalker lol. I am interested in chatting with you to get to know you better if you like. I noticed we have lots of the same friends". I would try something along those lines then see where that leads then go from there.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I texted him something similar and said who was I, then he stopped responding... Do people have to put lots of effort in beginning some kind of relationship?
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

There is effort that goes into a relationship. However, this is a little different sinice it is through facebook. People are usually more afraid and skeptical then if you both met in a different setting. He also may be involved with someone and this can be the case as well.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
But on the other hand, I somehow feel we have lots in common and normally it would be harder to meet someone for whom you know you have similar tastes. I don't go out a lot and don't know many places to meet someone..
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Anyway, should I try something more with him?
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

I understand. It's just that people are more wary on facebook. I think you should just stay at the pace you are and give him some time. If you wanted to be direct and take a huge risk you can ask him out for coffee or lunch. Other than that a good balance of what you are doing is all you can really do. In order to do anymore he would need to reciprocate.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thanks! Because I am becoming more and more overwhelmed from other people´s advice for meeting someone. I want to be somehow in control who will I let in my life. I don´t have a work where you meet young people and I dislike going out... I am in my mid twenties- is it reasonable to think I will eventually meet someone interesting?
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

It is reasonable to think you will meet someone interesting. It does make it more difficult if you are not around others more. But when going out always remember where you meet someone can tell a lot about them. For example if you rather not have someone that drinks and goes to bars then would not be wise to meet someone at a bar. Now if meeting them at a supermarket that may be a better option. This is something to consider when meeting someone as well.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
We are both in creative business, maybe I can send him samples of my work on e-mail?
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

That's a good way to start a conversation.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I like the idea too! Just one last question before I rate you- what do you think I should write him in attachment? I just need a starting point, then Ill come up with something!
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

I would say something along the lines of

Hey we are friends on Facebook and I hope all is well with you (this is if you are emailing him) otherwise you would start off as

Hey hope all is well with you. I noticed you are into creative business as I am. I think it would be great to meet someone with the same interests and was thought maybe you would like to see some samples of my work, so I am attaching them. Let me know if you would like to chat sometime.

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