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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2816
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I have a problem with a woman I met from Brazil, I know are

Customer Question

I have a problem with a woman I met from Brazil, I know are cultures in the US are much different than in Brazil.
We spent 3 weeks together this summer here in the US at my house. We got along great and talked about getting married, I'm 59 she is 56. Before she left we were engaged to be married, she is coming back in December so we can get married.
A couple of weeks ago I went on the dating site to cancel my membership. I wanted to send her a message telling her what I had done. She was an active member on the dating site. I ask her to cancel her membership, she said she would.
We talk on Skype and I email her everyday. I went on the dating site last week and saw she had been using the dating site. I told her about me being blocked from contacting her, she said the dating site blocked me. I asked why she was active on the dating site, she told me that she is not active that the dating site says she signs on when she doesn't. She said she contacted the dating site and was told they would fix the problem.
I checked again and she is active on the dating site. I called the dating site and was told that she blocked me and that there is no problem with the dating site, she has been sending and receiving messages from men. When I asked her about this she said she never enters the dating site. Then out of nowhere she tells me the next day that she goes on the dating site just to read the messages men send her. I told her that it is not normal for a woman to be married to be on a dating site. She got mad and said she is not dating other men.
When she came to visit me I had a room and her own bathroom for her. She insisted on sleeping in my room with me. When we went to bed I was falling a sleep and felt a hand on my chest it was her. She started to kiss me and one thing led to another. We ended up having oral sex and sexual intercourse.
She has a extremely high sex drive. She has sex with me everyday sometimes twice a day. I'm sure she would like it to be more. I bought her some sexy clothes at the sex store, they have no everyday use. The clothes are good for one thing only and that is for her to wear them to look sexy for me or other men. I asked her not to take the clothes back to Brazil, she took them anyway.
When I ask her about the dating site and why she took the clothes back to Brazil she gets a bad attitude and says I don't trust her and she is not having sex with men. I told her that she is 5000 miles away from me and that she needs to have fun and fulfill her needs. I asked if I could come and see her in Brazil she said no, that she is to busy with family and her college studies. She also says that her family would not approve of her having a man in her apartment. She does not ask me for money or other material things.
I sent her some beautiful roses once and she told me she liked them. Then she tells me not to send anymore flowers that it is to expensive. I'm not having money problems, I do well for myself and I'm retired. I know of no woman that does not like to receive flowers.
She disappears every weekend from Friday to Monday, I send her an email on Friday I do not hear back from her until Monday morning. I ask her where she goes and she says she visits her family and is busy with her college studies.
I asked her if she is going to have sex with other men to make sure the man wears protection because of the aids problem in Brazil. She got mad and said I accuse her of having sex with men when she doesn't. I have told her that I understand that she has a high sex drive and needs to have those desires fulfilled. I said it is not a deal breaker for me, I have to say I expected something like this would happen with her. This would be why I told her that we should wait on being engaged until she returns to the US. She said no that she wanted to be engaged before she returned to Brazil. I gave in to her.
She continues to use the dating site and when I ask her about it she will not answer me, I ask her about the clothes and she will not answer me. Now she says that she can't marry me because I accuse her of having sex and dating other men. I have put aside our differences. I did lose my cool with her being on the dating site and dating and havening sex with other men. Now she will not talk to me.
I have emotional ties to this woman and want things to workout between us. I'm being cautious because the entire situation sounds fishy to me at best. My question to you is do you think that she is telling me the truth? Could what I think be wrong? I don't want to have trust issues with her if we get married. How should I proceed with the relationship?
Thank you
Jeff
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

The whole thing sounds fishy to me too. She has been dishonest about the dating site and she disappears each weekend. I do not see great things here and I know you have emotional ties, but I don't see anything productive here or a real honest future.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

You are ready to start a marriage with someone whom has yet to be honest with you...this is cause for red flags. Has an answer for most things...trust your gut here and your gut screams warning.

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