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DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 347
Experience:  I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.
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Married 50 plus years a rocky life ups and downs. Lots of my

Customer Question

Married 50 plus years a rocky life ups and downs. Lots of my husband calling me a nag and etc. about doing things to help family and mostly about household tasks too. Both retired both not very social.
Now the latest argument about helping has resulted that my husband won't sit with me in our house and won't talk until it is a necessary answer -- like calling the heating contractor that sort of thing.
Otherwise he says that he doesn't want to talk to me about anything because it will make him angry etc.
he has withdrawn several times in the years like this but not as severe like this and not as long like this. How can I manage ? He won't sit with me for a meal so I said I won't cook either . All a mess. Hurtful for me .
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 1 year ago.

Hi,

I'm Dr. Jackie, an interpersonal communication researcher/professor and relationship expert. And I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. The bad news is that considering he has done this before (albeit shorter and less severely), he likely is set in his ways. People are resistant to change, so unless he gets counseling, it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY that this behavior will all of a sudden just change.

Your life does not have to be like this. You cannot live out the rest of your life in a healthy manner with someone who will not communicate. The bot***** *****ne is that you have a decision to make. 1) You can suggest he go to counseling/both of you go to counseling or 2) You can live with it the way things are 3) You can sell the house and /divorce or separate.

Regardless of whether or not he will go to counseling, you need to get some help to cope. You need someone to help you as you have to make a very important decision. I do not see any other options. Assuming he won't go to counseling, then the decision is, Can you live with things the way they are--can you accept living like you have been with him literally not talking to you at all? Of course you are going to have a very hard time if you say, "No" and decide it is time to part ways. Your life has been with him. People get very attached even in abusive relationships let alone relationships that at least have been happy or somewhat happy. So think about it and please talk to a professional on here in regular sessions or preferably with someone local so that you can sit face-to-face and talk with him/her.

I cannot imagine how difficult this must be after all these years. But after you make a decision and get some counseling and coping tools, it will definitely feel better to you.

Let me know if you would like to talk via phone or Skype. I will send you my contact information via the JA form.

Take good care,

--Dr. Jackie

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