That is definitely a difficult question to answer because you are always going to care for your daughter and you are overall a compassionate person, so you cannot just turn that part of you off. I believe you can continue to be compassionate and "feel sorry" for your daughter, but that does not mean you have to let that emotion overwhelm and compel you to always help her out. You do not have control over what your daughter does, just like she has no control over your actions as well...the decision to continue staying in this abusive marriage is hers alone. You have tried to talk to her and tell her that this is unhealthy for her and the children, but she has not acted on this advice and that is her choice, it is not a reflection on you at all. At this point you are going to need to make the hard choice to tell her that you cannot enable her behavior anymore and that while you care for your daughter very much, the decision to break away from this relationship is on her, not on you. I would recommend giving her contact information for psychologists/therapists in the area that specialize in domestic situations/abuse like this so that she has some resources to go to. Here is a good website where you can find such mental health professionals.
In addition, you may want to provide her with a list of women's shelters as well as they routinely have resources and support groups that she can look into as well. You are her parent, not her therapist, so it is not your job to provide mental health treatment for her, but you can provide her with the resources to get such treatment if she chooses to do so.
I hope this answers your question and gives you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.
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