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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  I have a doctoral degree in psychology and have a history of providing couple's and family therapy.
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I've been with my boyfriend years. Throughout the

Customer Question

I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. Throughout the relationship, I have had periods of time where I try and end it but I always reconsider. Either he convinces me with grand romantic declarations of love or my friends and family remind me of what a great guy he is. And he is really great guy, he is smart and kind and sensible and takes care of me. But he’s also a bit boring and he tells a lot of dull stories. I also think we encourage each other to be lazy and not do things, the sex has never been that good, and now that we live together, I’ve been reeeeeally treasuring my time alone.
He is my first love but I never expected it to get serious or to last this long. Now we are talking marriage and honestly I’m just not sure. But at the same time I love him and I desperately don’t want to hurt him.
Also, I’ve had some problems with depression (off-and-on) and he has a very stable and accepting personality which often helps me get through those darker periods.
After a… less-than interesting trip with him, I am once again itching to press the Eject Seat button. But as a college drop-out, I don’t have much of a parachute.
Should I leave or just appreciate what I have?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area.

Hello, I am very sorry that you are having these issues with your boyfriend and the state of your relationship. It sounds like you have a relationship that is stable, but not very passionate or exciting...you do not appear to be describing your relationship as one that brings you a lot of happiness and joy. Given this fact, I do not think you are going to be happy in the long-term with this relationship and that in time you are going to be increasingly frustrated and bored with how "bland" your relationship is. It may be best to consider taking a break and exploring other relationships and interests you may have to see what you like and what you do not like. If you are feeling bored in the relationship at this point, it probably will not improve the longer you stay with your boyfriend, so this is why taking a break and exploring other possibilities (which can be good or bad) would be beneficial for you to give you some more perspective. While this current relationship is safe, it may not make you happy in the long-run.

I hope this answers your question and gives you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.

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