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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1678
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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My girlfriend has been freaking out about getting married.

Customer Question

Hi
My girlfriend has been freaking out about getting married. When we first dated we jumped in and said we were going to get married in 6 months. After a few months I asked to set that back some time because I didn't feel we were ready. Fast forward many fights and she is crying a lot. Perhaps a couple of days a week. Says that she wants to break up. That she loves me so much and that everything I say and do hurts her. She has never been so hurt. Just now she said that she wants me to tell her that I don't want to marry her. I have told her that I would like to and that a solid foundation and healthy relationship is the most important thing to me as when marriage is right we will know it. She has off and on broken up wi the me a few times and now is doing it again. I want to be with her so I try to be patient and understanding however don't feel like I am getting the same in return. More info...we love and own a company together. I have apologized over and over for the th
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Norman Brown replied 1 year ago.
It's an instinctual response when you're newly in love to feel like getting married ASAP, because new love MAKE TIME STOP. And that makes us feel like we're in ETERNITY, so of course our love feels like it already IS eternal. And we want to declare that to all the heavens (the Paradise surrounding us) by declaring Eternal Love.
Now you've already created a DUAL relationship together, by owning a company. Did you discover love before or after starting the company?
Six monthsw is around NORMAL for discovering the first major DIFFERENCES with the person who NEW LOVE makes you feel you are part of the same person with (Plato's Soul-Mate myth). It's more normal, and wiser, to take around 18 months to work thru premarital issues before making the marriage a legal bond.
Your ages are important, to assess where age and maturity and past relationship history are affecting your attitudes, and where family backgrounds and possible psychological conditions are affecting you. Can you explain these factors please? How much counseling have you had? And has it been religion-centered or psychological retreats and counseling?