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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1678
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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A lady across the street just came over and invited me to

Customer Question

A lady across the street just came over and invited me to her husband's 6th birthday party. He and I work at the same and have had words at work. I offered to work it out so we could work together, when I offered my hand for a handshake he just looked at me. From that day forward I am cordial bit I told myself I would never try to be friends him. I rode motorcycles with him a couple of times just short afternoon rides. I don't visit him he doesn't visit me. It was a shock that his wife invites me and I thanked her but did not say I would go. She said she would really love to have me over I said ok thanks again. Should I feel obligated to go or even to tell her I can't make it.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Can I change this to urgent the party starts in 2 hours thanks.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
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Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for your question

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

I feel like this might be a fresh start to a friendship. Some times people try to connect as friends but it doesn't always work out right away.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

He might be looking to start over so his wife invited you over to the party.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

People change and he might need you as a friend. I feel she invited you because her husband probably wants to be your friend but does not know how to re-introduce himself. He probably thinks he had so many chances to be your friend, but not feels like he lost his opportunity.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

It would be a good idea to go, but if you feel that you do not want to, I would kindly say that you had plans.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

I am sure she would understand.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

Because you did not tell her that you were going you do not have an obligation to go to the party.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
you think I should respond either way. This guy's wife came over and invited just a few before the party Kind of like it was a last minute thing and she was just trying to get people to come
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

You also do not have to tell him you are not going. But if you wanted to tell her you couldn't go that would be fine as well. I think he might have wanted you to come to get a second chance at friendship.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

Her husband might have mentioned that he wanted you to come so she came over last minute to invite you.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

But you are in no way obligated because it was last minute.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

If you do not go I feel like his wife will just assume you already had plans.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
It just doesn't feel right he sees me outside all the time. He has never made an effort to come over. It's just seems like she was trying to throw something together. I have always invited close friends and family to something as personal as a birthday party not just people I know
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I don't want to seem anti social bit I also don't appreciate being put in this situation
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

Does he wave at all when he is outside?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
sometimes.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

I understand you feel like she put you in a certain situation, but you are not obligated to go.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
No not outside just when he drives by
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Or notify if I don't attend?
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

It sounds like his wife wants him to have friends. But it sounds like he is not good at having friendships.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

You do have have to tell her you are not going because you never told her you were going.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Yeah I think so but I really don't like being around him! At work he is called good Andy/Bad Andy you never know how he is going to act
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

It sounds like he has that type of personality that is one way and then changes to the other. So this would mean he could be social one day and then ignore you the next. If you do not want to be around him then do not go to the party.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

You don't want to out yourself in a situation you will be uncomfortable in.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
by telling her OK thanks when she invited me was not accepting. It was also weird when she said she would love to have me come
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
It just caught me totally by surprise. I was shocked
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

No you did not accept the invite. You just kindly said thank you. It does not mean you were going. She said she would love for you to come because she wanted you to come. I understand why you were shocked because you feel you both are not friends but just acquaintance.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

You never know he might think you both are good friends.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Would consider me to be a bad person if I did not go?
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

No, not at all. You never want to go to somewhere you do not want to go.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

It is more important for you to be comfortable. You do not want to go there and you do not know how he is going to react.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Also in reality I don't want to be friends with him. I hate it for his wife.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

Then I would not go. If you do not want to be friends with him, then I wouldn't go.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

If she asks why you didn't go just tell her you alreadyhad plans it was to short notice and ask how the party was.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Ok thanks
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

You welcome and thank you for your questions.

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