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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1679
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend years and we

Customer Question

Ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years and we have fell into some road bumps . Recently, we have been argueing. He thinks I need to give him space and stop being so selfish when I want things my way and controlling. I think he needs to be more productive. I think he should do more in the relationship. When we apart he barelt texts or calls. He never calls to see if I got home safe. He always says I am making him out to be the bad guy. I feel like hes frustrated because hes trying to get his life together and hes taking it out on me . Hes been looking for a new job for over a year but been using the same old resume. And when I tell him how I feel he blames it on me . If I didnt do this , he wouldnt have done that. Hes not affeciate so when I cry he just sits there. I know it sounds all like bad moments in our relationship there isnt just when we get like this. I dont know what to do . I havent spoken him in 3 days all I got so far was just one text message. I want him to more sensitive and a gentleman . I just dont know how .
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for your question. Everyone has a certain type of personality. What you have described too me about your boyfriends is someone who needs to do things on his own. He takes you helping him as an insult. If me and you were looking at the situation we both would say that you were just trying to help, you were being kind and considerate. But he sees it in a different way. He feels like he failed and he likes to work at his own pace. He needs to think he came up with the ideas or goals in his life. When someone is trying to get their life back on track they need boosting up. They need positive influences. I want you to try something different. I want you to not discuss jobs or him doing certain things in his life. I just want you to show him that you are there that you care and love him. He needs support right now. He feels his resume is good, but you know it needs fixing. But he is someone that will not change it just to be right, so he needs to realize it's not working. When he goes for a job interview just listen and tell him positive things. You want him to see you are their and you love him no matter what. People always want to be accepted for whom they are and not feel like they failed. He's having trouble right now and you don't want him to feel like he failed in the relationship either. I want you both to talk, not talking solved nothing. If your more sensitive he will be too. Everyone wants to be understood. You can change people to be a certain person, but you can influence the change. Watch if you say something positive too him, he will be in a better mood. If you boost him up and tell him his good qualities he will feel good about himself. When people are self confident they project that image and they are more app to be a gentlemen and sensitive. When two people argue all the two people are trying to do is be right. So no one hears what the other is saying. If both people sit down and make a plan together about the future it will be successful. I want you to think right now of all the good qualities about your boyfriend. Think about why you love him and tell him. If he does not respond that is ok because he knows you love and care for him. It will boost his spirits. Thank you for your question.

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