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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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My name is ***** ***** I am 18 now. When I was in middle

Customer Question

My name is ***** ***** I am 18 now. When I was in middle school, there was a boy, Isaac, I had a crush on. Later on when I was 14, we got a job at the same place and he, being very goofy and loving attention, gave me a lot of attention. I had a silly sounding
high pitched voice and I was always called an "angel" and "extremely innocent" and "good" by others where I worked. Anyways, I happen to secretly be a sex addict and Isaac would always tease me by asking me by asking me questions about my sex life (no one
knew I was a sex addict). Anyways, I would always just blush and not respond, and after a while I became EXTREMELY infatuated with him. Sophomore year he stopped working at the same place and he went to a different high school, so I never saw him. However,
I could never stop thinking about him. Finally senior year I asked him if he wanted to hook up sexually over the summer (online). He was blown away with surprise and declined. I asked him again a few months later (June) and he finally accepted. He's not the
responsive type online, but...we never ended up hooking up that summer. I finally saw him in real life about 4 months later at a marching band competition (October) (hadn't seen him in about 2 years total), and I started crying when I saw him play his marimba...I
was happy...he looked so happy and was so successful. I was happy for him. I was proud of him. Afterwards, I waited by his car to talk to him. He pretended not to see me, so I had to run up to him. Seeing him in real life felt WAY different
than thinking about him horny in bed at night. While at night I lust for him like no other, seeing him in real life, I actually felt guilty for fantasizing about him in that way. When I saw him, he was friendly and nice, and I felt safe, and I wanted to hug
him forever and never let go...seeing him in real life, I didn't lust for him AT ALL. Seeing him in real life, I actually DIDN'T want to have sex with him. I just wanted to talk and hold his hand, and ask how he was, and tell him how proud I was. Anyways,
he didn't really have much to say to me, and that was that. (I actually became OBSESSED with him, showered him with messages and he blocked me...) The weird part is that Isaac and I were never really close friends. The real question is: I have a current boyfriend
who I've been with for 5 months. I don't think I love him enough (or at all). He is a great man, he is very, very good to me (he is 27) and he wants to marry me. But when I think of who I love enough to marry, I think of Isaac. Also, when my current boyfriend
and I have sex, I fantasize about Isaac. I still think about him all of the time to this day. Even though Isaac and I never dated and we weren't even good friends, am I in love with him? (I feel like I am, but logically it doesn't make sense) (I thought it
was infatuation, but infatuation doesn't last that long and you don't actually care about the person, I care about Isaac...) Sorry, that was a lot, thanks!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Hi Emily. Wow you have a lot going on for being 18 !! It sounds as though you are obsessed with something you cannot have, as he has made his intentions clear. You are also with someone who you do not love and that is fine. You don't have to LOVE the person you are with. You are 18, you have an entire life in front of you to be worried about who to marry right now. He is 27 and you are not in love with him. Why even think about marriage at this point ?? Your feelings about Isaac are what they are but not healthy. You are going to have to find a way to move on from him, as he has closed that door. While fantasizing about someone and thinking about them, even while having sex is fine and normal, if it is effecting you and your life, the people you are with, etc.. then you need to make a serious effort to move on to something/someone else. You said you were a sex addict. Is this something you have been diagnosed with by a professional or you just enjoy sex a lot and that is something that you have self diagnosed yourself with ??I'm sure you probably won't love what my advice would be to you, but I would say that you are young and free!! Live like it. Don't worry about marriage, setting down, etc. or even relationships as being a big part of your life. Do you have plans for college or school beyond high school ? A career, etc..?? I would take the time you have and concentrate on YOU and no one else. Concentrate on your future and well being and independence from others. The more you spend time working on a hobby, education, career choice, etc... the easier it will be to let Isaac go in your mind. Of course you will never forget him, but you will learn to let go of him where you hold him in a healthy distance. As far as your current boyfriend goes, if he wants to marry you and you are not interested in marriage, then make sure you aren't leading him on to believe you have feelings for him in a way which you do not. He deserves to have a realistic perception of his relationship. You are obsessed with Isaac. Infatuation CAN last for years. In love ? No probably not. You don't even really know him as a person beyond your memories of a younger him. You need to find something else to concentrate your emotional efforts on in order to move beyond Isaac.

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