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Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question
I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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I'm 17 years old and I've been screwed over by my so-called
I’m 17 years old and I’ve been screwed over by my so-called best friend/ex! I’ve been best friends with this guy for 4 years and I’ve helped him through everything! He had just gotten out of a bad relationship over 3 years, in February. This is when everything started to go wrong. At the start of March he confessed to me that he had fallen for me and that he really liked me. I admitted to him that I liked him as well and felt the same way. We were trying to figure out what to do because the problem is that his ex girl friend is one of my friends! We went back and forth in deciding to just stay friends and hang out or secretly date. We chose to just hang out and stay friends but he still flirted with me all the time. He said all these things to me, which would imply that he only wanted me! Eventually by the start of April, I found out that he was also ‘chatting up’ another girl and trying to get back his ex girlfriend (my friend) as well! At that point I was so annoyed that he had done this, especially to me because I was meant to be his best friend! I had a massive argument with him and didn’t speak to him for a month. He had been a massive coward about apologizing to me and therefore that’s why it took so long for us not to speak. As he began to text me every night asking to meet up, I eventually did and we sorted it out. The problem was, I still liked him and he said that he still liked me. I stupidly admitted that I liked him too and we again were back to where we started, although I didn’t trust him. Over the time period from the start of May to mid-July, we began to see each other. This meant catching up all the time, texting all the time etc. I was holding off from kissing him because I didn’t want to do the wrong thing and hurt my friend. I now realise, I was really vulnerable when we had our first kiss because we were having a movie night and I fell asleep on the couch. I then felt lips touch mine and I woke up and his face was right there. I was half asleep and of course I would’ve kissed him back if I liked him and wasn’t thinking straight. After our first kiss, I felt like I had already blown it and if I like him, I might as well continue to kiss him etc. He began to tell me that he was falling in love with me, missed me, and eventually, he said ‘I love you’ to me in person. This was all so believable because he was my best friend, I really liked him and if I hear nice complements like that, I would want to believe it. He later said, “I want to be in a relationship with you”. We couldn’t though because of my friend (his ex) and he said he wanted to wait for me for a few extra months so he could date me. It was all going well up until a few weeks ago when he started getting less interested in conversations, stopped being romantic, sending ‘x’s in texts. I had asked him if everything was okay and if he still felt the same way. I said to him to tell me the truth and I won’t mind whatever he decides and he continued to say he liked me but was scared of the thought of a relationship because of his previous one and how badly he was hurt. I gave him advice and helped him and I thought everything was back to normal. I saw him last week and he came over and it was really fun. I began to trust him more and more and things between us got more intimate. I hadn’t gone far with guys before him and last week I gave him a hand job. After that day I hadn’t spoken with him and two days later, he went to a party. I wasn’t invited but a few of my good girl friends were going. The day after the party I had found out that he full on made out with another girl at the party and I was so angry! I felt so betrayed especially after I had just opened up with him. He hadn’t even messaged me to apologize or care if I knew. I think he just assumed I knew and didn’t care! Then the day after was a get together I was invited to with around 20 of my friends, including him. I got there and he was the first person I saw but I chose to ignore him, and him being the coward he is, he didn’t speak to me all night. Instead, I saw him ‘chatting up’ a girl for an hour in the spa, looking at me and then as soon as I look, he cuddled up to another girl and he sucked up to all my friends! I was so angry but I just held my ground and acted like I was having a lot of fun. Later that night I found out from my other girl friend, which he had also made out with one of my best mates multiple times that same night! I was so angry with him and my other best friend because she knew about me and him and how much I liked him! She didn’t even come up and apologize to me about it either. She didn’t care about how I felt and even flirted with him throughout the night right in front of me! I felt so betrayed and confused because my best guy friend who I was seeing, kissed two girls at a party, one of them being my good friend, and he didn’t even seem apologetic and continued to flirt with my good friend in front of me! Please help!
1 year ago.
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replied 1 year ago.
This was all after he said those convincing things to me and I gave him a hand job. At the end of the get together, he left with my good friend, Calvin. Calvin told me that it was awkward standing with him because all he was talking about was how he was chatting up that girl in the spa! This proves that he really doesn’t care! I think he thinks that he can apologize whenever he wants and I’ll be his friend again whenever he needs me, which is not the case! Two days later, he invited 3 of my so called ‘best girl mates’ over to his house to watch movies! It was just him, and those 3 girls. The problem is, the girls didn’t even tell me what was going and they haven’t been there for me at all throughout this time! One of the girls he invited was also the girl mate that he hooked up with multiple times at that party! Out of 5 of my best girl friends, only 2 of them have been there for me and taken my side and the other 3 have not cared or been there for me. I really don’t know what to do about everything and I desperately need your help! I want this guy to have revenge because what he did was horrendous and I don’t know what to do about my three girl friends that have betrayed me as well. I have to see them all at a get together in a few days and I don’t know what to do.
replied 1 year ago.
Hi, I am so sorry about all that has happened. This person can not be trusted and he seems as though he is not ready for any type of serious relationship. I uunderstand how hurtful this must be for you since he betrayed you as well as your friends have as well. The good thing in all of this is that you have seen his true colors as well as your friends. It is best to eliminate these people from your life now. It is best to be without them than to surround yourself with negative people. In this world in general it is difficult to trust people, but when one shows obvious reasons to not be trusted it is best to not have those people in your life. It is important to maintain relationships with positive people that will appreciate your love and friendship. I think the best thing you can from her is to not focus on yourself. Try not to concentrate on the revenge you wish for him, but rather how you can move on and get past this. What goes around truly comes around. He will learn his lesson one day and also it will be revenge enough when he sees how you no longer care or are interested and have moved on. This alone will hurt him as he believes now that you will always be there as you have in the past even after all he has done.As for the get together I would consider If it is something you truly need to go to. If it is an important meeting that you need to attend that is one thing, but if it is a friendly meeting then you may want to be honest with your good friends about what is going on. From there keep in contact to those who treat you well and build on those relationships. It is better to have a few good friends than many that you can not trust. I wish you the very best and please let me know if I can be of further help.
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